The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My boyfriend is an active drug addict, potential dealer and alcoholic. We are very involved with each and I'm very codependent in nature. This morning I woke up to several texts saying he was in the emergency room because he had been beaten up in his apt and had a concussion. I'm assuming based upon things he's said in the past that it was drug or drug dealing related. He texted to say he was recovering at a friends house. However, he asked me to take the day off from work so that he could come over and I could take care of him in my apt because he didn't feel safe going home. I confirmed that he was currently safe at a friends house and in bed. However, I said that I had to work, had an important meeting but that he could come over in the evening after I got home from work. He responded with several messages intended to make me feel guilty as if I didn't care about the situation such as "I would've done this if it was you". I'm trying desperately to detach with love here without being cruel. Any advice for what to do in situations like this? Thank you!!
-- Edited by roddy on Thursday 28th of September 2017 12:20:02 PM
Aloha Roddy...yes this is a perfect time to practice detachment with unconditional acceptance (love). You first and then when able him. In the meantime he can practice the same which will help relieve you of the pressure and stress of caring for and addict. You're home now...with family. Keep coming back. In support (((((hugs)))))
thank you! I just discovered Al-anon a few days ago, attended my first meeting last night and then this crazy situation happened in the middle of the night. Talk about timing and divine intervention. Had this situation happened a week ago I would've been enabling from the first text at 2am. Very grateful for your response.
Welcome roddy - glad you found us, as well as a local Al-Anon meeting. Putting you first is what Al-Anon suggests even if/when it doesn't 'feel right'....We change ourselves as best we can to find our joy and serenity and allow others the dignity to do the same. So sorry about what has happened to him - sending healing thoughts and prayers your way!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi, Roddy, really, Alanon seems to have come into your life at the right time! Just wanted to say hi, I'm still not very good at detaching, though I've made a lot of progress, but the "I wouldn't do that to you" line - I know it well... Gotta go now. Glad you found us :)
Divine Intervention....couldn't agree more and by staying with and in the program working it as suggested the Divine Intervention just keep going on and on and one.. Thanks for mentioning it. (((hugs)))
