The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am planning a weekend trip to the city. Normally leaving home fills me with dread. I have people to see and things to do today.
I first went to the city 50 years ago- spent the first three or four years wandering aimlessly. In the end the authorities sent me out to work in a railway gang- this gave me a bit of a start.
Latterly I have been working another programme which has filled in a big gap. In my art of the world there is very little clinical help. So some of us got together to try and bridge that one.
I still attend Alanon here, on MIP, and try and share once or twice a fortnight... ...this regular time is good for me.
I am semi-retired now. However the extra income from pension has given me more to do and to catch up on. So I have four part time jobs... all of them different. Apart from my summer job I can keep my own hours. So that is why I am sitting here mid-morning sharing my ESH.
I just spent 10 minutes out on the driveway checking the oil in my car. I had to top up, because it is an older car. Far better this, that worrying while on the road on Friday.
My trip to the coast, and the city, combines business and pleasure- so I have tools in the back of the car to do the job...
It is a mild spring day here in Ao-NZ.
My thinking has improved a lot over the last two years. Alanon has a slogan- 'think' and I spoke in this one about a year ago.
Before that i would describe my life as 'a fly in a bottle'. A lot of noise and energy- but not a lot of momentum. I felt myself as being crippled inside. And I was crippled inside- no mistake about it.
My daily readings of Alanon literature has filtered through. I often now quote from the programme as the memory I never had begins to kick in.
I have not filled this page in with my tale of woe. There was a time when i had to do this- make up a list.
My Step 8 used to sound like: "made a list of those who had harmed me, and vowed to get even." This i s not orthodox Alanon- but I had to do this initially to start to release the anger... rage... that filled my life.
I had been dealt a really difficult hand of cards. But, with help, I used these cards to find a winning hand.
Why else would I want to fill my share with words of gratitude?
Hi David Thanks for sharing your thoughts" First things first" for me is my gratitude iist. followed by the serenity prayer. If i find gratitude (as you have expressed )and can obtain the courage, serenity and wisdom of the serenity prayer I know i will have a blessed day.
first things first for me is let go and let God, and to, listen to that small voice inside. And to be gentle with myself. I would never say to someone else the things I say to me :)
Great share David. I could relate to a lot of what you shared. Feeling crippled inside was how I felt and it's a heavy hopeless state of mind. For me living with an alcoholic made me feel completely at his mercy and only he had the power to change our lives for us. It was a relief to know this was never the case and it was an illusion. I always had choices and the power to change the things I can was in me all along. It's important for me to know this basic fact because I'm not vulnerable in this world. I've got power within me to make my life good and today my life is good and it's through the readings meetings sponsor coming here and the steps and of course my higher power.
Great share David and thank you! Lovely ESH above me as well - thanks to those who shared. First Things First for me means ODaT - being present with all the tools we have. Letting go of what was and what may be and finding me in the here and now helps me feel the love and guidance of my HP. When I can stay present, all other principles and suggestions of this program function better to aid my recovery.
My hope is your trip is AWESOME! As I've heard my whole life and only learned to do in recovery, "Take some time to stop and smell the roses!"
(((Hugs))) to all.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
DavidG.