The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm struggling tonight. My partner has gone on another binge I think, although to be honest I don't know what he's doing. He does this periodically. Phones in sick and takes usually 3 days off work to do his own thing, usually drink. But this is the first time he's not come home. Also he's taken the dog with him and I'm very worried about the dog. Am missing cuddles from the dog this evening.
Trying to stay centred and not worry too much, but it's hard not to tonight.
I lived with an alcoholic who binged and left for days at a time. I can understand the concern, worry and sense of abandonment.
This alcoholic also acted out with our pets. He left them at times for very long periods of time without resources. He did not need to do that. That was some part of his pattern.
I can't say I did too well with the binges.
I know it took a tremendous amount of program for me to focus on myself. At one point I took the dogs.
I think that was always his goal for me to take care of the animals. They just got in the way of his drinking and bingeing.
The now ex A always showed up. He would be gone for a certain amount of time then just show up and act like it was a normal thing to vanish for days on end.
This behavior did not change when we were separated. He said that he was always leaving because I was insufferable. I was because I simply could not deal with his behavior.
I can tell you the more you delve into the program the better your life can be. Al anon does help. The tools certainly help but you have to use them.
The more you can surround yourself with people who are in the program the better. The chat room is a really good tool when you are out of your mind with worry and fear and apprehension.
Thank you so much Maresie. I feel I need to be immersed in the al-anon program at the moment.
I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this too, but I am glad I'm not the only one to experience this - it makes me feel less isolated. Thank you for sharing your story.
(((((Lil99)))))
We're here listening.. Sometimes when my AH did the disappearing act, I'd do the things I couldn't when he was there. I love Latin music, so I'd blast that, or do my nails wo fear I'd have to run to grab a towel for a spill, etc. I'd fear his return but w the program, prayer, slogans, etc. I can stop fear from ruling me. support and prayers headed ur way ->
I am sorry that your partner took the dog... with program I found that I was able to detach from my AH, but when he neglected my furbabies due to this disease, I was livid! So I can understand your anxiety on both levels.
Keep reaching out... read posts here. Look into Face 2 Face meetings, maybe? Do something nice, just for YOU. Those things help to ease the anxiety.
Sending you MIP love & support over the interwebs!!
Namaste
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hey, Lil99, we have got to stick together! Because this is a disease that is chronic and progressive... one that we have NO CONTROL OVER. A disease that also affects the non-alcoholic in many ways! Keep checking in... there is always someone "listening."
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Good morning Lil99 and all....welcome to MIP Lil99 - so glad you found us and reached out. This disease is absolutely maddening for most of us and I do recall feeling isolated and alone. Yet, when I found and engaged with Al-Anon, I truly felt way less alone - which was such a gift at a very difficult time.
I agree with suggested above - be gentle with you, put your first and do something, anything for you! When I was playing the 'waiting game', I had a list of things that I enjoyed that I would pick from - bubble bath, walk, music, literature, meeting, phone call with a trusted friend, phone a relative, etc.
In the beginning, I was so used to obsessing over 'them' and 'what was going to happen next', I really had to change things up to break the cycle of racing thoughts and fear. I was reminded often that we can not think our way to right action, but we can act our way to right thinking. This really helped me to remember to take some action - even small - to change up how my thoughts were going.
This disease is powerful and progressive. It's called a family disease because almost everyone is affected. Al-Anon gave me the tools to change up my part and respond in healthier manners. Please keep coming back and you are not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
