The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had so many changes going on recently it's beginning to feel a bit overwhelming for me. I am not the one initiating these changes but they are things that require my participation. I've been trying to stay in touch with what I'm really feeling, do what is in front of me and remain true to myself. What other people think of me is none of my business right? Hmmmm that's likely where my obsession and insanity began to seep in once again. I began to worry what was going to be thought of me if I didn't cooperate in the way that would be meeting the expectations of others. The more I projected the fallout from saying no or saying this is what I am prepared to offer, the more obsessed I became about how negatively it might be received. I just hate being in this emotional place - when I become so uncomfortable and so resentful of others who through dysfunction force me to take a stand and state what that stand is. In my life, these are unrecovering family members. Thankfully, I am far enough along in the program that I don't actually invite people into my life who blindside me with drama. With that said, I spent all of Saturday outwardly focused on the crazy making of others making myself crazy. Hmmm whose fault it that? Then bf got sick from something he ate and our plans were off concerning blowing off a little steam in the great outdoors in order to hand over family members to our hp. It happened suddenly and I had no plan B. This just left me in that Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr place! Can't read Alanon literature with my eyes closed, arms folded and in that hmmphft mood. lol I just hate that this happens every so often. I let old insecurities get the best of me and I worry what others will think of me if I say no.
Sunday by the grace of hp, the stinking thinking had lifted. I think it was better on Sunday morning because bf and I discussed just what we were willing and not willing to do concerning the upcoming family event "happy occassion." I discovered he was having the same feelings of discomfort and uncertainty and we came to an agreement that we would choose what was best for us, state what we were willing to do and not feel guilty about it. Bf called his dau (it's her event) to give her this information. She told him she would get back to him concerning it all. Either way, our decision is firm. In the afternoon I asked him if he felt as I did that a tremendous weight had been lifted since telling her of our choice. He said definitely. So, yes people pleasing makes me sick. My dis-ease can affect me physically, emotionally and spiritually. And then I find myself saying, well there's hours of time and serenity I can't get back. To thine own self be true. It is soooo important! Ty hp for pulling me through this and restoring my sanity. Thanks for letting me share. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
TT - I got a chuckle out of the title of your post....not sure why - maybe because I can relate on many levels.
Love your share - I see Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Sure sorry your guy got sick - nothing fun about 'food poisoning'...
Love to see the program in action - the entire post gives me great hope - which is what ESH is all about. Keep doing you - it is working well!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
TT I love your image of "not being able to read the AA literature with your eyes closed, eyes folded and Hrrphm mood!" Thank you for the smile. I needed it tonight.
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
Awesome clarity. I so relate. Thanks 4 bringing it to the board- good examples to follow. I also hate when the old pleasing stuff comes up, but it is so much easier now than b4 with practice. I recently heard at a meeting that our families of origin really know how to push our buttons because they sewed them on. So I think we need to be gentle with ourselves and just practice practice practice these principles....
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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
There is nothing about your share that I don't appreciate and will not use when I need to. This is old timers magic for me...it works because you worked it, both of you. "Yay". It brought back some old memories of people pleasing to manipulate and control and then that is soooo far in the past. Good for you and for us by you bringing it here. ((((hugs))))
Hugs, (((TT))), this stuff is hard and you are doing well. I share your feelings about people pleasing, its one of the hardest things to handle for me. Keep on keeping on!
hey TT, yea, I see awareness, acceptance, and action in your post....nice share on taking care of you in all this.....food poisoning is the worst....I've been there, done that, take out food places can be my undoing, LOL....keep on keeping on....your doing a good job....HUGS
When I've had changes going on -- not initiated by me, but requiring my participation -- I need to be careful. Very careful. I've found that even when I was people pleasing -- unless I was enabling, doing exactly what the other person wanted me to do, truly placating them -- while I was people pleasing, the other person still wasn't happy! I was people pleasing and the people I were trying to please weren't very pleased with me. LOL. How ironic. And when I did do exactly what they wanted -- I got hurt. I was unhappy and unhealthy!
When doing what you referred to -- constantly thinking about what they would think, how they would react, what they expected of me, etc. -- then I know I am in my sickness. Period. I am in a bad place, the unhealthy place, the wrong place for me to be. What do I do? I pick up the phone. I call my sponsor or my friend -- and I get them to talk to me, to get me back in the healthy mindset, the healthy state of mind, etc. I need to be re-set or jump-started back on track. My trigger, is a slippery slope, and then BANG!!! I am in the bad place. I need to get out and FAST. So I pick up the phone. I go to meetings. I get back to myself -- I focus on me, and stop the outward thinking in. I tell my sponsor and friend exactly what I am thinking...and they help me right the ship. I stop facing and moving in the wrong direction, and I start facing and moving in the right direction.
Thanks for posting everyone.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Thanks (((everyone)))) I so appreciate your response. Life really does come with an instruction book doesn't it :) So glad we have our guides - the program, hp and one another. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Then bf got sick from something he ate and our plans were off concerning blowing off a little steam in the great outdoors in order to hand over family members to our hp. It happened suddenly and I had no plan B. This just left me in that Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr place! 
Can't read Alanon literature with my eyes closed, arms folded and in that hmmphft mood. lol I just hate that this happens every so often. I let old insecurities get the best of me and I worry what others will think of me if I say no.
