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My father is very sick and no matter how many times my mother and I have tried to help, it always goes wrong. We need help, we do not know what to do anymore. He is physically sick because of the alcohol and he refuses to go to a doctor or get hemp or even admit that it's the alcohol that's causing him tofeel sick. I am so lost
Welcome to MIP mlad,
Alcoholism is a family disease, I am sorry you are going through this. Alanon helps people who have a loved one that drinks by giving them support and some tools to deal with the negativity alcoholism can bring to your life. You probably cannot do anything to help your father. Alanon teaches people the three "Cs" of alcoholism, you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. You can make your life healthier and meet people like yourself so you do not feel alone. Many people come to Alanon because their lives have become unmanageable because someone they know is sick like your father. My ex-alcoholic boyfriend was very sick seven months ago and ended up in the hospital because of liver damage. His family did not know if he was going to be alright. It was very frightening, and I could not think straight. I was so overwhelmed with what was going on that I could not pay attention to my job or family. The tragedy was engulfing my mind. So, I came to Alanon, this group specifically, and it really helped to have people understand what I was going through. All I could really do was pray that my ex-bf was going to be alright, and leave it in God's hands. I hope you find some relief, there are online meetings here and see if you can find a face to face meeting. You will see a lot of people like yourself and get some support.
Welcome If you feel dad needs medical care, you can call for an ambulance and let the EMS members make the decision.
In order for you to find the support you and mom need, I too recommend that you check out the alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. There is hope and help
Hi Oggy. It's pretty unlikely that anything you do will change your father's drinking habits. In fact, the more he knows you are committed to trying to help him, the more he might feel like he can just relax and drink all he likes....because if anything terrible happens, you've got his back, right? You'll be there to get him help and figure out all of the details for him etc.
Actually, not helping him and instead focusing on helping yourself to live well in spite of his addiction and behaviour is probably the kindest thing you can do for everyone concerned. People often start to get well and take responsibility for their own health when they realise that others aren't going to do it for them anymore. Even if it seems completely impossible! I've seen it first hand; I thought my qualifier would drink himself to death without me. Instead, with no-one but himself to lean on, he got considerably better and meanwhile, I focused on me and my life also got considerably better.....a win all round!
Aloha Oggy and welcome to the board. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind body, spirit and emotions which can never be cured only arrested by total abstinence...there is much more to that sentence which comes out of the medical association. Alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body. You are dealing with a habit that is ingrained with you all and can only be changed with willingness and humility and patience and all of the other tools we have and have had to use when we started our journey to understand and then change the things we could.
Your Dad is resisting you and your focus to help him. That is how this disease works. We are grateful you lasted long enough to find us and our experiences, strengths and hopes. None of us knew about this from the start and our program is over 65 years old and older so stick a round and listen and learn and ask for help and suggestions and tell us when you come back how things are going and what you have learned and/or need to hear and remember ....you do not know how to help your father...even medical professionals; lots of them don't know either especially if he is not willing to get help.
I too send warm welcomes to you. The disease is far more powerful than any one of us. Know that we can't ever help those who don't want it - take care of you first so you are strong should he ever want help in fighting this dreadful disease.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
