The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all. Thank you for giving me the oppurtunity to join this group. I am brand new to it. I guess I wil just come out and say that I live with an alcoholic brother and can be very abusive sometimes. Im at the point of having to make moving decisions because of it. I dont want to move away from my elderly mom and am afraid for her but others keep telling me that my safety is #1. Has anybody else been through something like this? I have tried to help my brother in many different ways but Im the one that keeps getting hurt back in many different ways. Please and thank you. Have a blessed evening.
Aloha Staci and welcome to the MIP Board and Family...this is the place where you will find support and help. Because there are so many similarities which we have shared you will hear from others who understand your situation, was there themselves and found the Experience, Strength and Hope to use the courage to change the things they can. Keep coming back (((hugs)))
If he is threatening you might consider a TRO or temporary restraining order where he is placed a distance from her and cannot revoke it himself. I don't know the whole situation you and she are in so saying that I am only speaking from experiences of others I have worked with and know as a behavioral health therapist. You can contact women protective services to see what they offer. (((hugs)))
Welcome to MIP Staci - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Alcoholism is a disease which is progressive and powerful. Al-Anon is recovery for those family/friends who are affected by the disease in another. We share ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) with each other to help heal/deal with the disease and diseased.
I would agree that your safety and the safety of your mother is of great importance. We do not give advice, with exception to abusive situations. I would certainly seek out Al-Anon meetings in your area for support for you. For the safety of your home, I would research any/all resources that might be available in your city, county, state, etc. for like situations.
Know that you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery. Keep coming back - glad you are here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Staci, glad you found us. I grew up with an abusive brother and was not protected by my parents. It left deep scars of fear, insecurity, not feeling safe, no self-esteem, so I know the damage this kind or relationship does. And every boyfriend/spouse I have had is addicted, so the effects of his rage set me up for being abused. With Alanon I am getting stronger and healthier. I know that my Face to Face meeting helps me tremendously , as does the board, because I am not alone and others understand. I have also worked with a sponsor which moved me along also. Keep coming back! Lyne
The disease of alcoholism is truly cunning, baffling, and powerful. When I tried to figure it out and determine my best course on my own, I struggled mightily, as with nothing I had before. AlAnon helped me tremendously.
You are not alone in this struggle, thanks for joining us
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you all for sharing. This is not my first rodeo and alcholism is an ugly disease. Im in the process of moving but not for 6 months or so. Considering a shelter also. I live in a very high crime rate city and thats all Im concerened about right now is my safety. As I keep myself locked up in my bedroom alot. But, Im ok when I do that. Again, thank you all for your kind words and concern. Everybody has a story and if anybody needs my support then I am here too. You all are kind people. Especially to have experienced this same issue among us and to understand each other. Love, light & happiness.
Staci.
Glad you are part of the MIP family Staci - stay safe and keep coming back!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Staci, It is very hard to find safe housing when your resources are low. I went though that myself, but I found a nice neighborhood to live in finally. Good luck.
Glad you reached out, Staci..I agree with Jerry and the others who say your safety must come first...I don't know the whole story, but if he is physical threat, there are avenues you can take to protect you and mom....maybe consulting with a domestic violence shelter worker, or like Jerry said, A restraining order......with low resources its harder, but there are good and decent places if you search and ask folks you know and I remember when I had to go to a DV shelter , they gave me great advice and leads so I could get out and away from my abusive EX alcoholic husband....Good luck...keep coming back...you are worth it
