The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's courage to change is about seeing our successes.
It opens with a cute story which I will outline for anyone that doesn't have the reader- a farmer decides to encourage his hens to lay more eggs by playing the flute for them all day long. When he is asked if it was a success, he agrees that is was, because although the chickens laid only the usual amount of eggs, "it was a great day for music".
When we live with alcoholism we can become so transfixed with trying to "fix" the alcoholic that we view everything we do as a failure rather than seeing all of the things we so successfully achieve. Al-anon helps to turn that around; we can focus on the progress we are making every time we go to a meeting or use our al-anon tools in some way.
The reading reminds us that the greatest gift we can give our recovery is willingness.
"Every good thought you think is contributing it's share to the ultimate result of your life" (Grenville Kleisser)
***
I know I was quite surprised and challenged when someone pointed out to me that the storms I had withstood and the crisis I had managed etc during my relationships we marks of strength and that I had achieved many things over those years. I had only ever looked at my adult years as one big long failure, devoted to trying to manage and navigate pointless, doomed relationships between pathetic, broken people. This idea that perhaps I had achieved things, and grown and just hadn't noticed because all of the attention was elsewhere was quite profound for me actually; it was the first inkling I had that maybe, just maybe, there was more to me than failure and things to be ashamed of. I'm so glad and grateful that the al-anon friend that pointed this out to me knew how to look for the good points amongst my wailing and moaning because back then, I sure needed someone to "love me until I could love myself".
Now days, I know that if I am overly critical of myself and only seeing my failures, it's time to roll up my sleeves and do some program work. I achieve so much more when I focus on my assets and successes than when I focus on my defects and failures.
I like the chicken fable because it reminds me that when I take the action i feel driven to take, but let go of the outcome, then what I achieve is always a success even if it turns out to be a hard lesson. If I hold fast to my own idea of what the outcome must be, I am almost always disappointed.
In an attempt to get this visual to stick in my mind, I tried to look on youtube for someone playing flute for their chickens but the best I could find was a chicken playing a piano, or this gorgeous thing. Which I could quite happily watch all day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs_-emj1qR4
Good Morning Ms.M thanks for your service and sense of humor. Before program my life, thoughts , action and motives were hidden from me. With program, i have learned to keep the focus on myself, checking my motives, detaching, praying and doing a 10th Step every night. I am no longer invisible to myself and i can see and applaud my progress. It is lovely to see that placing principles above personalities really does work and that in my interactions i do treat eveyone with courtesy and respect. Progrm works
Thanks Miss M, that is priceless Whatever it takes to get my mind out of 'Me'. It's not all bad, there are parts of my character that AlAnon helped me see were anchored by good intentions and could provide some utility going forward.
I have a choice
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks, MissM, this is a great topic and reminder. Now, when I'm down, I'm not as down down and not hopeless as I used to feel, thanks to the program. I do see my progress, even when I feel like I don't really want to, its very encouraging to keep on going :)
Thank you, Miss M for your service. I loved that little tale! Because I agree, it would always be a good day for music!! LOL!
But in seriousness, I find that I am hardest on myself... being a perfectionist isn't any fun at all. Sometimes the results get bogged down by my need to make it "perfect." Including my own self! That is why I love the program's slogan of 'Progress not Perfection.' It keeps me grounded and humble.
I have been seeing some success with my program of late... and it lessens the load I bear of living with an active alcoholic.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Wow!!! awesome reminder of , yea, its a great day for music....I, too am hardest on myself..I expect, still, perfection..however I am sloooowly improving...used to be NO mistakes were allowed by me to me...now, if it is an honest human error, I can actually pat myself and say 'hey it was an honest mistake..you did your best" now the stupid thoughtless mistakes out of not being mindful??? well...I am a work in progress....thanks for the really cute story and honest share about your ESH on it
