The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c reading is about the eight step- "make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all". The reading points out that this can be a very daunting or even distressing step to contemplate and suggests beginning with not 1 list but 3 lists..people we ARE willing to make amends to, people on the "maybe" pile, and people we are absolutely NOT willing to make amends to. Then, at step 9, making amends only to people on the "yes" list. The reading suggests that we may find as we work our way through, names may start to shift from the maybe list to the "yes" list or even from the "no way" list to the "maybe" list as the entire amends process becomes less scary and more healing.
Making amends is not about self punishment but about freeing ourselves from the burden of guilt and shame. This method of breaking it down into bite sized pieces is a great way of bringing the concept of "progress, not perfection" into a difficult step and making it "doable".
The reading reminds us we ought not deprive ourselves of the freedom that comes from performing steps 8 and 9 just because we think we are unable to do it "perfectly" the first time. Whatever we are able to do today is progress enough and there are no limits to the number of times a step can be repeated!
In reading this reading it reminds me of sort of another list .. things I would never share out loud .. things I might and things I will .. just sayin .. really been thinking on this one as I realize the way my higher power chose to help me was through an entire 12 step program .. anything I have shared has been healed .. recognizing there are things I am waiting for to change without letting go in meetings .. holding onto the wrong things such as ego pride fear shame worry obsession etc .. ugh hate those .. know there are details we may not want to bring up but there are always other round about ways of sharing .. do know there are some things I can share openly today I once never thought was possible .. we are so the onion with so many layers .. thanks for sharing this ..
Good Morning Ms. M. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this very important step. When I first began working the Steps. I had to place MYSELf at the top of this list (as i had done a great deal of harm to myself, by making my needs invisible and my beliefs unimportnt ). I then reviewed my Step 4 and place others on the list hen appropriate. I made amends to myself by attending meetings, using the slogans and the serenity prayer, meetings and connecting with a sponsor.
I also came to understand that making amends to another did not simply mean saying"I am sorry" I could do that easily and have done this automatically without true remorse. Making amends meant that I saw and owned my part in the situation acknowledge the behavior without blaming another . I resolved to learn from the experience and not repeat the behavior. There is a great deal of freedom with the removal of guilt with this step and I urge everyone to embark on it
Thank you MissM for your service and all for their share. I still feel a bit of apprehension when I first think of this step. This is one of the pages that helps me put things in better perspective, to resist projecting and getting out of today, this moment...reminds me to take it one mini-step at a time without anticipation of outcomes...
Love the quote, great reminder in all aspects of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
