The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page focuses on Step 3, where we turn our will and our life to the care of our higher power. For the author, that power is a loving and accepting presence.
Turning will and life over makes room to accept this kind and loving care, much needed when dealing with the effects of alcoholism. This care surrounds with love and support, and all that it requires is willingness to receive it.
Today's Reminder: When I open my heart to a Power that fills me with love and acceptance, I can extend that to others. I may not do so perfectly, or even consistently, but can recognize my progress one day at a time.
"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
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Relying just on my will before recovery, I allowed fear to rule my behavior with others. My irrational and exaggerated fear of negative outcomes factored into behavior that was not loving or accepting. In my mind I was trying to help, but in reality I was making things worse for everyone.
AlAnon helps me see that I did not Cause it, can't Control or Cure it, and I need to turn over my misguided will to my higher power, stop interfering with others, and give them the space to find their own recovery path and relationship with their higher power.
I certainly haven't done this perfectly, nor every time, but I am making progress thanks to the guidance of the program. I am getting better and giving better, one day at a time...so grateful for the wisdom of AlAnon
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Step 3 was a challenge for me, because trust is hard But, I have found that nothing ruins a day more than trying to control other people, and I am glad to have the program so that I can trust that my HP has got this, and I can focus on myself and my own path instead.
When my wife is having a down day, she still wants me to control what she does (should she go to work or call in? should she make dinner, or watch a movie? Should she fold laundry, or can it wait a day?) As tempting as it is to tell her what I think she ought to do, I believe that doing so would prevent her from her own path. In those times, I turn my will over to my HP, and can answer instead that I love her, and that she seems to be having a hard day, and that she should do what seems right to her.
I'm thankful for AlAnon for showing me this way of living. I hope you have a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Paul, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this powerful Step. I too had difficulty discerning my will from HP's in the beginning of this journey and even today I find myself unsure at times. I believe that HP does not give me more than I can handle and even if i attempt to force my will, I will gradually be lead by back to the next right action .
Acceptance of life on life's terms helped me tremendously with this Step.
Happy Monday to one and all - thanks for the shares and ESH above me. Thank you Paul for the daily and your service. I was such a hard-headed-human when I arrived, I had to be told and reminded a few times that my will got me to where I was - miserable, angry, broken and sad.
I had nothing to loose and everything to gain by letting go of my ego and self-will and trying to allow my HP to lead me. I believed this with all my heart as I could not go on as before. My mind, body, soul and heart were just beaten down and I really just wanted to run away to a deserted island or die.
Neither of those sounded like a 'good plan' so instead I surrendered. I began simply by finding gratitude in all that is good around me each day and focusing on how I could let go and allow another to carry me. I now believe my HP has unconditional love for me, including my assets and defects and bestows grace towards me so I can practice unconditional love for others.
The more I trust in a power greater than me, the lighter I feel. Add to that I really only need to focus on today and my mind rests better. I also work to live and let live always as I no longer 'need' to tell others how to live their life. I am 100% free to be imperfect me and I am grateful for that!
I've been a busy gal this morning and of course, more softball this week! (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Paul for the step 3 reminder and for your service. Thank you before me for ESH. I was pretty good at turning over my will to HP then my impatience would kick in and I would take it back. Took a long time to sink in that my will just wasn't getting me to a good place in fact I was just making things worse. When I finally came to the end of my rope Al-Anon dropped me a life line and I grabbed it. Slowly I learned that my way wasn't the healthy road and if I didn't change my attitude nothing would change. I keep a little gold box that I call my God box and I write down things I need guidance from HP on. At the end of the month I go through my notes and write thank you on the problems solved without my help. It's amazing what was once a problem no longer exists. Al-anon helps if you want to listen and learn. Keep coming back.
