It's interesting what changes and what stays the same. My alcoholic father is in the midst of a divorce from my step-mother. I say good for her for leaving. She deserves the chance at a happy life. So dad is now on his own in his own apartment. It's a nice place and he's going to be just fine in the divorce settlement. My step-mother still has a lot of positive regard for my dad and is open to having a friendly relationship with him. All things considered, it seems like a good arrangement.

Of course, dad is probably in the worst depression of his life and is drinking. That's not surprising. His liver is seriously shot and he may end up in the hospital soon.

Six months ago, I was in a dark place, being out of work. Now I've got a job that I really enjoy. I actually like being there and I'm engaged in my work in a way that I wasn't in my last job. It's such a strange feeling that sometimes I'm taken aback by it. Anyway, it's a great boost to my self-esteem.

I'm also starting to take better care of my health. I have a new health provider who has helped me realize that I do have power over my own health and that I am worthy of being healthy. You'd think I would have figured that out before, but I didn't. I also realized that self-loathing has contributed to my father's disease and that's not a path I wish to go done.

I know my dad is hurting and I know I can't fix that. Sometimes, it takes everything I can muster not to do for him what he can do for himself, even though he won't.

What is hard is that I have some very good things going on in my life right now, but it all seems to fade from the shadow my dad's disease casts.

When I think about my dad's disease, I feel worthless and incompetent. That's part of my disease and I'm glad I have tools to work on that and inspiration and goals to motivate me to move through it. I have to remember that the only journey I can control is my own and that my dad's will unfold as it is meant to.