Losing my husband to AA - Al-Anon Family Group

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

Losing my husband to AA

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

For everyone writing on this thread, my understanding of my A is growing. Thank you to all. Prayers to all. One day at a time....

ToWivesIsGarbage · Newbie

Read To Wives only if you want to feel more hatred, angst, loneliness and rage. Chapter 8 of the Big Book is pure trauma bonding garbage.

It was written by Bill W. he refused to let his own wife write it so youre getting an alcoholic mans perspective, which is basically its all about mestill.

My husband and I started couples counseling after he got sober and still wasnt around, wasnt there for me or helping with our 2 young children. Our counselor suggested we read To Wives, so we did, and my reaction was a mixture of rage and disgust. Instead of bringing us closer or enlightening me on other wives perspectives, I felt even more alone. Everyone I talked to said, read it with an open mind. No matter how hard i tried, it was absolutely infuriating even more so knowing other women/spouses were being advised to read this trash at a time when they needed actual help.

Finally, after scouring the internet, because surely I could not be the only one who found the chapter UTTERLY INFURIATING, I found this critique:

aaagnostica.org/2018/05/31/critique-of-chapter-8-to-wives/

Hoping your husband finds some balance with staying sober and being there for you and your children. Or better yet, that youve moved on and have a happy life either on your own or in a relationship where you are able to prioritize each others needs.

DM2021 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP {{ToWivesIsGarbage}}, glad you stopped by and expressed you circumstances.

Thank you for sharing the posted link to Chapter 8 critique. The great thing about Al-Anon

is we are encouraged to accept what we can and leave the rest. I personally have learned

that many of my frustrations are of a personal nature and knowing that helps me to put

my finger on what I needed to work on the most for my own serenity. What the alcoholic

does is a moot issue because we learn that we did not cause the issues, nor can we cure

or control them. Al-Anon is all about me and how I can see past the drinking and

difficulties to better able to have a more happy and productive life regardless of the

drinker in my life.

Do you belong to an Al-Anon group near you? https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/

Thanks for stopping by and please feel free to chat with us anytime.

You may want to start an new discussion, this one is pretty old. smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.