The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I made my first desperate post on here months ago and was encouraged to get to a meeting. I meant to but with my schedule it was easy to put it off. I'm finally to the point where my head is about to fall off from stress, anxiety and anger. I'm probably depressed too. Can't fall asleep. Routine conflicts at work all feel like personal attacks and I'm having more and more trouble making measured thoughtful responses. Last week I honestly felt ready to quit both my marriage and career.
So I told my supervisor I had an appointment and went to a lunchtime meeting. When I arrived it was all women and I almost thought I went to the wrong place and wanted to bolt. Even after taking a seat I wanted to leave for the first five minutes or so. I finally settled in and tried to listen. It was good. I'm not even sure why but I was a bit more leveled out when I got back to work.
I wouldn't even say I related to a whole lot of what was shared. Maybe because of the reversed genders? I still don't know what's going to happen between my wife and I. But I know I'll be seeking out more meetings.
Dear WestMan I can readily identify with the feelings that you described before you entered your first Al-Anon meeting. I can also identify with the feeling of peace that you felt after the first meeting. I imagine it was because I thought that if I was no longer alone, that there are other people going through the same problems that I am and that they were meeting together to solve their common issues.I felt Hope
I am sorry that were not many men at your initial meeting, however there are many men in program so please keep coming back there is hope and help.
I have found that the issues that we all face are very similar, the anger, resentment, fear and self-pity are universaland are the result of living with the disease of alcoholism.
So please keep coming back here and to meetings and trust the process.
I'm sooo glad you braved it out even being the only guy .. :) I have many props to the men who walk in and there are no other men in the group it's a tough gig. I watched a few in my small town small group .. deer in headlights doesn't express the looks on their faces. I really encourage you to just keep going back because for whatever reason it has helped keep me centered.
What I remember most is the fact I wasn't alone. I had a sense of normalcy in terms of holy cow there are other people who share this stuff where I can sort it all out. I needed to count, I needed to be heard, and I just needed to know I could get through it all and come out on the other side. It doesn't matter what the A is doing .. it really only matters what I do.
If you get a chance a great little book to check out is Getting Them Sober, Vol 1, 2 very short easy reads .. LOTS of information .. and it's great in terms of no nonsense. It's about the sig others, loved ones and so on .. it's not really about the A.
You mentioned that you were in the health care profession and I didn't know if it was possible for you to also do some private counseling as well? I had to do double duty because a lot of what I was working through wasn't really about my XAH. I had past trauma that I needed to heal and even my sponsor encouraged me to seek private counseling. If it's available I do encourage you to seek it out as well as the Alanon meetings, because no matter what you need to take care of you first.
Big Congrats on your first steps into meetings and I just hope you keep going back because it really works.
S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Westman, I love what you said "I was a bit more leveled out when I got back to work". That's not a coincidence my friend, you experienced one of the many miracles of working the program. It works if you work it, ((hugs)) and sending you positive thoughts.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
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