The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's page, one member was asked to fill in this blank: "If only ____ would happen, I would be happy." What would we put in? Qualifier stopped drinking? Work, boss, family, finances better?
Perhaps they would...but the page suggests we are putting our happiness on hold if we expect it to arrive only after things change that are out of our control. With the acceptance of powerlessness in Step 1, and belief in a greater Power that can restore us to sanity in Step 2, we can turn over those "if only's" to our HP in Step 3.
By doing this, we stop being victims of circumstance and waiting for happiness to come "some day". We take steps to find peace, happiness and serenity now.
Today's Reminder: Many things in our life we cannot change. Our attitude, however, is one we always can. I can choose happiness and gratitude right now, today...
"Life holds so much = so much to be so happy about always. Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can be felt only if you don't set conditions." - Artur Rubinstein
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This is a great page, so helpful so often as I catch myself in the "if only" zone. There always something that could be improved upon, but if I wait for my happiness to arrive when everything is "right", I will have to wait a long time, or worse, end up trying to change what I should not in order to get there.
I accept that I am powerless...I can't, my hp can, I will let it. This is all in my power, changing people and things is not. If I follow these steps I can have happiness, peace, and serenity today. So grateful for the wisdom and guidance of the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your service, Enigmatic, and your share. I have also found that the program has helped me to finally let go of some alcohol unrelated past events that I had been beating myself over for years. I accepted that I did what I did, and finally made peace with that, knowing that it is only my present self that I can change. This has unburdened me immensely. The program has become my savior in many ways, and I'm so very grateful.
Hi Paul I am so grateful to alanon for providing me with the understanding and tools for living in the moment and in the day.
NO more :"if onlys", instead I can accept life on life's terms and then move on with courage, a little wisdom, HP and constructive tools to face life on life's terms.
Thanks for your service.
Thanks Paul for the daily and your service. Thanks to those above me for your shares and ESH. My entire existence prior to recovery was this page. I did not realize at the time that my joy and peace of mind were conditional, therefore on hold waiting for others to get it together...
No wonder I was miserable most of the time - expecting others to be/do what I wanted them to be/do for my own peace of mind and joy sure appears to be insane. It's amazing to me how the disease affected me without me aware - truly amazing.
I too am grateful for the program, steps, traditions, tools, etc. that helped me be/live differently. I now believe my own actions and attitudes directly affect my spiritual condition which directly affects my serenity. Without recovery, I would still be stuck in the If Only......, When .... Then .... and the like.
Happy May Day to one and all - have a lovely day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Paul for your service and today's reading. Guilty, did this this morning. "If only my AH communicated more clearly his wants, then I wouldn't be sitting here getting the awkward silent treatment which is making me miserable!". That is the first thought that entered my head. After sometime of staying in the moment, concentrating on the loving energy within me, allowing the feelings to pass and the voice in my head to sit down and shut up, my next thought was "be grateful". Aha HP's will! I chose to accept that I can not control my AH unacceptable behavior but I can control how I react to it. I chose to not play the victim card and to be grateful for the learning experience HP delivered to me so bright and early this morning and how I made a little progress with the use of my Al-Anon tools.
((Iamhere)), Happy May Day to you too :)
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Thank you Paul for your service. I read this page this morning and it made me think of yesterday. Yesterday my mom, daughter and I had a perfectly lovely day together despite the imperfections of the day. The gift this program has given me is the ability to enjoy a moment, afternoon or whole day despite the imperfections in my life.
Good topic, Paul. I used to get locked up in the 'what if's' and the 'if only's'. Seem to be in the present moment most of the time now. Oodles of group work really helped in the process... up until right now... thanks m8.
If only's represent one more way I avoid accepting responsibility for me. I'm putting a condition on my responsibility to do the work, that can be working on myself or working on a goal whatever it is .. if only the A would stop drinking .. if only the XAH would pay his support .. lol .. if only .. if only's kind of represent the whole issue of wish I had vs reality.
So living in reality for me means accepting what is instead of what I wish .. heck .. everything would be fantastic if only I would win the lotto. :) Sigh that's one I can dream about right??
Thanks for sharing Paul .. great read!!
S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Thank you for Today's reading Paul and for your service. Not much to add to the ESH's before me. So easy to project the what if's good or bad. My Mom had a saying when I was in worry mode. " what is going to happen is going to happen, no If's Ands and Buts about it and the only thing you can change is your attitude".
"No If, And's or Buts", haha, haven't heard that since I was growing up...memories!
Thanks all for your ESH, it is one of the gifts of the program to hear how it is making changes in fellow members, and how the wisdom of AlAnon is making happiness possible even without the lottery
So grateful, hope you all had a great day...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
thanks m8.