The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been having more moments of serenity lately and I am so grateful to my HP for them. Last week my AH and I had a discussion where I spoke my truth. I felt so clear about our situation. I asked my HP for help and I got it. I just said to my AH "this isn't working and I don't want to continue on like this anymore". It was really scary for me to say it but I just said it. And although I expected him to feel threatened and make my life difficult my higher power surprised me again. He actually responded completely differently. He told me he felt the same way but he does want our relationship to work, he reflected on what he has been doing in the relationship to make things difficult and asked if we can try to make it work before we call it off. I agreed but this time when I agreed I didn't try to convince myself that all was fixed and fall back into denial. I was able to stay in reality, let go of a lot of my resentments towards my AH and move forward without trying too much to predict the future. I have faith that I said what I needed to say and I can take it one day at a time now and I will know when it is time to let go if it is time to let go. I am still amazed at how much peace I got from speaking up and saying what I needed to say. I was obviously preoccupied with it for a long time and I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I was speaking to another program friend this week and she was really struggling with an ex. I could see the issues of control, accepting powerlessness, changing the things you can change and accepting what you can't and it really helped me. I could see that I do all those things in so many situations. Today I am feeling a lot of peace. Even with some chaos and family drama mixed in I feel really peaceful. I think it's the result of taking care of myself and having faith in my HP.
Thanks for reading and I hope your spring day is as lovely as mine is :)
KT - love this share. It is awesome to watch how others use this program to say what they mean, mean what they say and not say it mean. And to hear the outcome was different than expected shows me the miracles of recovery. Good on you for taking action and using your tools! Keep working it - it looks great on you. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
KT! What a share! It has been apparent through your more recent shares that you have been moving in this direction with your AH. You were brave and obviously ready to speak your truth. How freeing! I am really happy that your husband replied in a mature manner and is willing to try and work it out. No matter the outcome, you will have put this program to its best use and have listened to the guidance and voice of your HP. Even better, you are in a place of reality and not skipping happily back to " he now sees the light." Your post is a perfect example of the power of this program.
Thanks so much for sharing, that is awesome...there is nothing like that feeling, when you feel the peaceful calm where you normally wouldn't. The program works
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
glad to hear, KT2015. thank you for your share. i'm in a similar position. when i uttered "i can't do this any more" is when i got clearer with myself and with my partner. he had a similar reaction to what you describe. for me it's not really about forgiveness - i can forgive - but it's about what i want in my life and what i'm willing to tolerate. change may be possible. time will tell. trying to not settle for habitual dysfunction and move forward in a positive way. one day at a time. all the best to you and i appreciate seeing the recovery and perspective in your post.
(((KT))) your share stirred up old memories of our "knowing".... however it was actually my alcoholic husband who asked me to come sit down. then he said to me, "we can't continue on like this. this has to end."
the words that fell out of my mouth afterwards still amazes me, clearly the effects of our program. I said to him, "whatever taking care of yourself looks like." It was peaceful which was never how I had imagined it could be.
It feels good that we ended it peacefully... releasing him to live the life he desired and giving myself permission to do the same. Today, whenever he comes into my mind, I am quick to pray for him, to wish him only Goodness and send him peace. It's what I want for myself, for him, and for everyone... another gift of the program.
I am grateful beyond words for your willingness to tap into a power far GREATER who is peace and joy... which your post resonates. I'm going to walk away now to do the same (((hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 30th of April 2017 03:25:12 PM
