The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm now in a funk and I'm so so sad and don't know what to do with myself. The hurt is deep and I think about being alone for the rest of my life and no one to take of me when I die. Crazy to think of this now but I am.
I pray as the days pass I will be able to get back to a life not being sad and depressed.
Take care and God bless
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I won't say that the pain will ease with time .. I will share that based upon what I have seen grief wise it gets better with purpose .. the pain is always there .. I don't know one parent who expects to bury their child before themselves. The law of order is not written that way even if it's my hallucination there is a law of order.
There is never a guarantee that someone else will be there to care for us in old age. Which brings to light the issue of taking care of us first and allowing others to take care of themselves as needed. Now would be a good time to set up a plan, I need to address that as well .. I have a friend who is 4 years younger than me going in for surgery for 8 hours and 2 children my kids ages .. ugh .. the idea of having to think like that is uncomfortable.
As a single parent with my kids I remember being sick and asking my oldest to come in and sit with me while I took a shower (she just sat in my room while I was in the shower) just in case I went down .. OR waiting for the kids to come home before showering knowing I might be alone for hours before someone found me. LOL!! Crazy things that went through my head during that time. My grandma had a neighbor and they had a code that if either person's window shade wasn't up by a certain time to come over and do a well check. That worked out wonderful for them both.
I'm not a caretaker .. ironically .. not because of being hateful or mean ... I am so not a nurse so my mom is coming to the reality of the fact she will not be able to rely on me to be there (unimportant history to delve into.) I realize that sounds cold .. it's just reality. Again it is what it is and it has forced her to take responsibility for some things that she needed to do.
I am truly sorry you are feeling the loss of your son .. and I am truly so grateful you are here to share the healing parts of this.
It is my hope for you and any grieving parent that they find purpose in their loss and gratitude for the time shared .. my reality is children are not ours, they are lent to us by a higher power to go home to that higher power when their time here is done. I say this with no experience of loosing a child which makes it sound trite. My heart truly aches for your loss. I'm just so glad you are here and what powerful shares you have as a mother.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Beautiful picture of yourself and your son. Wishing you a blessed Easter too. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling in this moment. When I lost my mother, I heard talk about eventually settling into "the new normal." Well, I didn't much like or understand that phrase but over time I began to recognize it to mean life on life's terms. In the beginning, I felt such a feeling of panic because my mind couldn't accept the reality of my loss. I consciously knew my mother had died but would come home and expect a phone call from her. I wondered how could this be when I did little else but think of her early in my grief process. I felt out of control of my own thinking. It felt frustrating and I wished I could keep some thoughts from popping into my head. I never knew when they would happen and they were painful. Grief is just that way I suppose. Such a jumble of emotions and then finally reaching a point of acceptance - not the rationalizing fact based kind but rather when the heart and the mind settle into it. It took a few years for me to get to that point of acceptance.
I hope you'll just keep sharing any and all thoughts. One day at a time. ((((cathy))))
In support, TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I'm so sorry Cathy. When you first posted, I wondered if you might be in a bit of shock.
There is nothing I can say that will help, I don't think. But I see you, and I hear you, and I love you. We all do.
I'm so sorry for what has happened. When you first posted about this, you reminded us that he found his disease agonising. And that he is at peace at last. It might not help you deal with the grief, but it's the truth.
I'm so sorry that you lost your beautiful son.
That is a lovely picture (((((Cathy)))))
I hear you and see you and my thoughts are with you.
I remember a lovely picture that you posted of your son with a horse and that is how I'm thinking of him now.
Sending love
I cannot begin to imagine the pain and sadness you are experiencing. Please be gentle with you. Sending prayers of comfort and hope you are able to experience at least some moments of peace knowing that your son is not in agony any longer.
((Cathy))) Remembering the special times helps me in times of sadness and the "missing". Trusting that HP has a plan and that i will be taken care of is also important. This allow me to live one day at a time with courage, serenity and wisdom, grateful for the many memories of the "Good Times and trusting that by living one day at a time and trusing HP, I will be OK. You will too.
Have a Blessed day
(((Cathy))) - I have no words other than you are special and you are cherished. Feel your feelings and trust what you know in your heart. Sending you tons of love, positive thoughts and many prayers....
I am headed to AZ next month (May) at some point. My parents are in Green Valley and my brother is in Chandler...I've looked up where your town is compared to the family and would love to see/meet you if we can make it happen! Think about it and know that I'm good either way!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
A beautiful picture of a moment in time. Thank you for sharing it. I am so sorry for your pain and sadness. My brothers life ended in a very similar way to your sons. He simply could not cope anymore and addiction had a fierce grip on him. I comfort myself with thoughts that he does not have to struggle anymore. I miss him terribly and wish it could have been different for him but it wasn't. I have you in my prayers for peace and comfort. Hugs
This is Jesus's day and I'm blessed to be alive.
Thank you all for the kind words. I really helps a lot.
Iamhere: I will be here in May and I hope we do meet.....it would be nice. I work in Phoenix and your brother in Chandler it would be easy to meet someday in the afternoon for a little while. I don't want to take away from visiting your family but what's a couple of hours...
Take Care and Happy Easter
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Woo-hoo - we'll make it happen! I'll keep you posted!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Cathy, I just want to say that I am thinking about you. I can imagine your pain, but only you are feeling his loss today. You have an entire Alanon family to help you, love you, and care. The loss of a child is the worst pain in life, so just know that this is a pain unlike all others.I learned on this board, a saying that I will never forget: when you are going through hell, keep going. Big hugs, Lyne
Cathy I've been thinking about you and praying for your comfort all week.
Take care of you. It is a loving tribute to your son.
From what you told us, he cared for you deeply. He did his best to be your loving son.
I'm tickled pink! I've met others in recovery when I travel and it's always a pleasure to put names to faces. I also admit I have a hidden agenda - since I am visiting family, I'll gladly meet up with a sane life-line in recovery!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((((Cathy/HP))))) what Betty shares works for me also. From memory and experience it has always worked best. No one takes care of me better than my HP...no one.
