The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For me, sometimes simple works really, really well - gratitude lists and asset lists. I'm also a huge fan of Christian rock music - positive, uplifting and a reminder of who's really in charge. Prayer, Meditation and Literature are also great reminders for me that there is nothing I can do that will change anything that's already happened....I really only have today, this moment to do the next right thing.
I believe my brain was slanted towards the 'glass half empty' side of things. Not intentionally or even consciously - it's just the pattern I developed because of living with this disease. It's been about practice, practice, practice to instead lean towards 'glass half full' but it's so, so worth it.
One day at a time, one moment at a time - practice, practice, practice!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am grateful for this message board.
I am thankful I had the skill to find this forum and am able to come here whenever I need support and encouragement.
I needed to work the 4th through 10 th step on my anger, resentments, self pity and fear in order to have them lifted and my focus to change. Gratitude and asset lists daily help tremendously
Hello lgnutah,
I have learned to be over protective with myself. I have strict boundaries that are there to protect me. We think that boundaries are for other people but they can be used both ways. My life is very quiet because I made it that way. I stopped being friends with people that drink and people that argue. I live in a very safe neighborhood. I do not watch violent television shows. It might sound extreme but at one time my life was very different. I could not rely on other people to have my best interest in mind. I had to create my own safe place. Now, I know that I am my own best friend so to speak. It sounds corny but don't be afraid to trust your own judgement.
I have to constantly redirect myself. I se the tools of the program and sometimes even use the 'just for today's' that we read to snap myself back into a better train of thought. One thing I do know is that my thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't truth. And, that sometimes gets me squared away.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
The most effective things for me today have been getting to an in person Alanon meeting, calling my sponsor and talking it out, getting outside in nature and having an intimate conversation with my hp (expressing gratitude to hp, surrendering myself to hp's will for me - letting go and letting god).
I have a direct example that helped me move my focus to what's good in my life. It actually happened this weekend. I called an Alanon meeting member and asked them if they would like to take a walk. My intention was just to have some company and get to know them as a person outside of anything to do with recovering in Alanon. They chose to accept the invitation. It was nice to get to know someone new as a person rather than their connection to the disease of alcoholism. I no longer have someone who is drinking living in my home but she does. She expressed her gratitude many time for my company and admitted her loneliness. She said she was embarrassed to admit that. I told her it was one of our Alanon topics and I was experiencing it too when I phoned her to come out. She could have said no when I called. If so, I would have tried to call someone else. On days like this, if I have no luck with finding company, I just take myself out into the world and try to notice others have great experiences - couples holding hands, dogs playing, babies cooing. These scene use to cause me to lament lost opportunities. Because of the program today they give me hope and call up good memories in me not sadness. Giving back in the community as also been a great way express gratitude to my hp for what I have and a good way to get out of my own head if I'm worrying or obsessing about something. No matter how long I'm in the program, I am always going to have times like this. This is just part of being human. We are never "recovered" always recovering. But the time I spend in negative thinking is limited today because I fight for myself by pulling some life affirming tools out of my toolbox. I guess I could say that I treat the urge to go to self pity the way someone in recovery for alcoholism treats the urge to drink. I take action in order not to end up in a dark place. In a way, these feeling are a sort of emotional drunkedness for me. I know they don't honor lessons I've learned from working Alanon and I sure don't feel any better by entertaining them for too long. I hope something I offered helps your process of recovery. Thanks for sharing. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
The ESH you have is all so good .. for me I tend to have a I just don't have the luxury to feel sorry for myself or look at things in a negative way. I think that really pulled me through a LOT of issues I had in the past of focusing on the negative. Plus I realized with my focus on the negative my kids would pick up on that and miss out on all of the good things in their life.
I am someone who loves gratitude lists. One of my biggest practices during the early days of my separation from my X was to go through a list 5 things in the morning and 5 things at night to make sure I was on track .. on really bad, bad days which I had and still do from time to time .. I do an A - Z gratitude list and that makes a HUGE difference.
Laughter .. there is an internet meme .. when I find the positive in a negative situation .. I win .. I like that idea that yes, bad things happen .. however I don't have to buy into the garbage. Oh boy .. seriously I have a warped sense of humor. LOL. I really look at the absurdity of my situation. Believe me .. there have been many .. LOL.
The biggest lesson I have learned and I paid a lot of money to finally figure this out when I start going down the nightmare of past days .. I remind myself the past really is the past and there is nothing I can do to change that part of the deal .. there is no person I can make rewrite their past or my past transgressions for a different outcome of the future. It just is what it is .. so I do choose to see the lessons I have learned from them both painful and non painful lessons. I can't undo it .. I can do better from it.
It doesn't mean there are not days I struggle and fight which is why I'm so glad to have people in my life who understand how I feel about certain things. Life is not perfect .. it's far more than I imagined.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
