The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading considers the 'three A's'- Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, and how tempting and easy it can be to jump from awareness to action without ever considering acceptance. When a problem comes up and we become aware of it, those of us that are "fixers" tend to rush to fix it as fast as we can before it can cause any discomfort.
This, the reading points out, is not necessarily positive because without accepting the negative event (be it a problem, a defect or a memory), we can't really deal with it effectively and the solution often doesn't work or we are not comfortable with it. It suggests that taking time to accept situations that we 'predict" will be a problem before taking action leads to greater self-acceptance and gives us a much better platform from which to create change.
"Someone suggested I stop concentrating on changing myself, and think first about accepting myself. That gave me the boost I needed" (Al-ateen- One Day At A Time)
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It's certainly my tendency to try to take action as soon as I think "something is wrong" before anyone notices. Even problems that have nothing to do with me...for example, I know that person X is drunk and they are going to speak to person B and I am worried they will say something insensitive to person B so i race to try to prevent them from speaking to each other (this scenario happens so often that i can actually feel the anxiety building just writing about it).
I think because i have an underlying belief that if anyone becomes uncomfortable or upset, it must be my fault. So accepting things when they go wrong and allowing myself time to sit with it (and even...gasp...to allow others to become aware of it too) is REALLY HARD!!! It's not an art I can claim to have mastered, so i'll take todays reading as an opportunity to be mindful and try to incorporate this into my daily life I look forward to some input on this one!!!
Yes that was totally me. Could not sit in discomfort at all. Thought it was my fault so therefore my job to fix it. What a way to live. Running around people pleasing to death. Nightmare. Now I believe deeply in the discomfort as the truth. Truth lies within it and I love the truth mostly. So when I feel or see discomfort I can more often than not sit in it knowing that what will unfold is supposed to and is connected to reality and change. Thank you mel x
Thank you MissM for this daily and your service,
Yes I'm finding this very interesting as well,just what I was needing to hear and learn about,
The 3 a ,so many times I to have run to the rescue without excepting what was happening,
Still wanting to people please ,old behaviors,
I'm always mostly aware of most sit.that take place,today I'm gonna practice acceptance ,taking action when needed.
Great reading for today!...............hugs LU
Good morning Ms. M , powerful share and great reminder for today. I can remember when I first heard the three A's; awareness, acceptance and action discussed at meetings, I was confused because I always thought that being a" fast thinker" and able to make decisions and act was an asset of mine. Al-Anon. reminded me that my fast thinking was merely" reactions" and not healthy"responses". That reacting to a situation without properly thinking about it and taking action without acceptance was extremely destructive.
The more I thought about it, and shared about this at meetings, I finally came to understand that, for me: Acceptance meant that I no longer going to fight the situation and try to change it. I no longer would try to manipulate tol get my way.
That was indeed powerful. Acceptance to me meant "surrender "and once I surrendered and stopped trying to change someone or something, I could then take appropriate healthy and actions.
Being powerless over people places and things and then processing my next action by asking HP for guidance has been my mainstay for years. Thanks to Al-Anon I have adopted this powerful tool as part of my everyday thinking.
Thanks for your service. I do hope you have a great day.
Thank you for your service MissM. Today's reading is one of my "go to" readings when I need to be reminded why I'm feeling uncomfortable. I even have it book marked with the word "acceptance" on it, because the 3 A's are that important in my recovery. For me when I'm not feeling myself I know there is something I'm denying and it is usually the present. The process I use is to recognize and feel the discomfort in me (awareness), become consciously present (acceptance) and wait for HP's will (action). I love everyone's shares on this topic, thank you and have a lovely weekend.
-- Edited by _bunny_ on Saturday 1st of April 2017 02:15:14 PM
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
Hello everyone and Thank you Miss M for C2C for today and for your service. Before recovery I too wanted to skip right to the action and just avoid acceptance altogether . No doubt bec I just didn't want to acknowledge what was going on because it was painful and embarrassing. Just fix it and no one will know that our lives are in chaos. I remember a counselor telling me "You are not fixing you are trying to manipulate the situation to satisfy yourself. " Oh my was I angry, how dare he insinuate that I was manipulating. Looking back, I certainly was doing everything I could think of to make my AH stop drinking and just come home. Needless to say it didn't work and nothing got better until I accepted that I was powerless over alcoholism and started taking action to take care of myself. Grateful for Al anon , keep coming back.
Thanks for your service and share MissM. I see so many motivations for jumping from awareness to action. Fear would be the greatest of them for me. You would think that fear would lead to inaction rather than action but not for me. Before Alanon recovery, I did a lot of projecting concerning negative outcomes concerning alcoholics in my life. Because I'd become so accustomed to living with insanity and chaos, I felt the need to make a quick choice or quick "fix" hoping to avoid further fallout and pain.
This old unhealthy behavior continued until I found some healthy Alanon tools for facing life on life's terms. I came into Alanon fully knowing that the active alcoholic in my life couldn't be trusted. But my greatest awareness was that I couldn't trust myself, couldn't trust my own thinking. It was faulty from having made decisions based on kneejerk reactions to the disease of alcoholism rather than thoughtful consideration and tools of Alanon before taking actions. Last but not least I didn't invite a higher power in my decision making because I'd felt betrayed by my higher power. I thought a loving hp would have given me a sober spouse.
So working the steps which brought a loving higher power into my life, helped and continues to help with fixing my broken thinking. The program helps me to feel, deal and heal one day at a time. Because I've surrendered my life and my will, my hp and I are in constant communication. The program has helped me to trust myself, the process of recovery and that I have a loving hp who will always be there for me. If I slip across the street in someone else's recovery neighborhood I can make a choice to be as gentle and forgiving of myself as my loving hp is. My goal is self acceptance and acceptance of others shortcomings, poor choices and situations for what they are. Life isn't stagnant. Shortcomings, poor choices, situations... all changeable. Hp is on the job and will let me know if assistance is needed. This includes those I love. Knowing I'm in good hands, I can sit with uncomfortable feelings and trust that my hp will guide me in the appropriate action if any is required. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you, MissM for your service today. Since I am a new returnee, I wasn't going to share. I just was going to soak in all the wisdom of people who responded. But this resonated with me today. Why? Because it made me realize that I have a hard time accepting things as they are. I mean, on the surface I accept, but deep down inside, I just know that if I just do this, or help with that, or in some way MANIPULATE THE OUTCOME, the outcome will be what I want. I knew I did that in the past with my husband who was a meth addict, but by goodness, I do that with my teenage son and his school work!!!!! Talk about a light-bulb moment!!
Thank you, tiredtonight of talking about feeling betrayed by your HP. I thought that I was the only one. Everyone here talks so lovingly about their HPs... it makes me feel small and petty for distrusting mine. Now that I've read and thought about this C2C thread, I know that people here talk that way b/c they have been working their program, and have come to know and love their HPs!! It helps me to feel that maybe eventually I will too. It also makes me realize that I have A LOT of work to do on ME... this thing I do with my son is going to drive a wedge between us. At the very least it's going to make it difficult for him to "own his own sh*t." I really hope that I haven't done that much damage.
I appreciate this C2C topic more than you all will know!
Thank you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks for sharing your ESH on this, folks
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that finds the acceptance part of things so difficult! TT I absolutely relate to not inviting my HP into my decision making because of a lack of trust. I'm glad you mentioned that because it's still a big stumbling block, now that I think about it. Perhaps that's the best starting place.
Right now, my daughter is staying with my mother for a few days (this is very new- they've become buddies) and I have this uncontrollable urge to pre-empt any conflicts or problems and try to manage them before they happen (mainly, trying to prevent my daughter from being rude, which will of course be my fault). But I won't. i can just sit with it and let it all unfold as it unfolds. I'm grateful that this reading came up when it did
I look forward to some input on this one!!!