The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So here we are. AS is back living with his dad. I am grateful that he is out the drug house he was in. His dad is again enabling. His text to me the other day was, T isn't an addict, he isn't taking pills or shooting up. If he wants to smoke marijuana it's okay as long as he doesn't do it in front of me. And... he isn't that far in debt. How on earth can you go from realizing that your son is an addict to he doesn't have a problem. Here I sit on the outside again praying that my son will realize that he has a problem; yet his dad is feeding into all of his lies again. I don't want to start this process all over again. I know I don't have control but I am extremely angry at my EX. I am again, trying to take it one minute at a time but my heart aches knowing that the road to recovery is way off in the distance. I just want to cry and go hide again; that will do no good. I guess I bury myself in work, running and lean on my HP to get me through this crap. Sorry I feel like all I do is complain but thanks for letting me share. Beth
((Beth)) It is extremely difficult to witness the denial of others. I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way Please remember that HP is in control, find a meetings and keep coming back.
I applaud you for your honest share and bringing that deep disappointment here. I can totally relate to it.
We have so much in common, when "good" things happen, life is good. And when bad things happen, I can get badly hooked and helplessly swept away.
I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for Al-anon and the very first step that gives me PERMISSION to just get honest with myself, to simply admit, "I do not like this!!!!" (honesty)
I accept I am powerless to fix it, I simply cannot FORCE people to stop my pain and create more joy for me. It's a battle I cannot win.
How grateful I am that Al-anon invites me to sit back and observe MYSELF. I find it so healing to "pick up the mirror" and see how affected I am.... seeing myself suffering.... how my stomach is twisted into knots.... how I am taking such shallow breaths.... the crying and obsessive thinking.... all the ways my body reacts to being controlled by others... my life is completely unmanageable.
seeing that, I find deep compassion for myself. I can clearly see that I am the one in need of my own attention and care.
That is what I appreciate about your post, how you point out the Solution and I would love to read about how you decide to lean on Higher Power. Because nothing helps me more than seeing God's miraculous power at work. To me, God is love. and when my life is feeling unmanageable, I stand at the turning point, it's time to love and soothe and nurture myself.....
LET IT BEGIN WITH ME ((hugs))
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 30th of March 2017 03:40:12 PM
(((Beth))) It's so difficult to watch a lover one struggle with the disease and know the best thing we can do is pray and turn them over to HP. Can totally feel your frustration and pain and send healing thoughts your way.
Beth - I can so relate to your share. My AH (still married) was in denial about the disease in our boys way, way, way longer than I was and it created disconnects often. Like all things with this disease, I had to remind myself I am powerless over it, people, places and things and just keeping turning it over again and again and again and again.
You are in the right place - just keep leaning into the program and it will all be as it should be!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
