The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The people I live with are also considered family, we are very close. However, today the electric co. came with the final notice that winter shut off protection ends today. D said she would pay the bill tomorrow. Problem is, they have been spending money on dinners, clothes etc. I am trying to 'let it go' but this is an issue I dealt with often with my AH. Scraping to pay bills while he spent money on toys and non essentials. It brought me back and I found my anxiety quite high all day. I tried to keep in mind 'not my problem' but it is, as I live here and I attend college online. Not sure if this really is a concern or something I should just let go.
Only you can decide how big a concern it is, only you can decide how much of your energy to but into worrying about this. Obviously having electricity in the place that you live is important, especially if you are trying to accomplish on line classes. If that bill is someone else's responsibility, is it something that you have any control over? If it is outside your hula hoop then you may just have to trust that your higher power will take care of you and that bill.
I do see how this could be a trigger bringing up memories of a troubled past. At times like that I try to lean on some of my favorite Al-anon sayings and others experiences to help me avoid the fears from a past that no longer has control over my life. I try to remember that the past is the past. You wouldn't try to pour milk in a glass that you broke last week.
I hope that you will get great advice here, I usually do. If nothing else, just know that we are here and ready to listen. As for your online courses, is there a local library or coffee house that you could go do your work if the electricity is shut off? I know it is not ideal, but I would hate to see your schooling suffer.
I will be praying that the bill is paid and this fear can be chalked up to worrying too soon.
Rick, the bill isn't my responsibility and yes, I probably am worrying to soon. It bothered me mostly because, as I am sure others can relate, my brain when back to the past. This is an example of my behaviors coming back up, and often times as I said, I'm not sure what should be my concern and what shouldn't. Yes, I probably could go to Starbucks or something if necessary. We may not have power anyway as where I live is expecting 18-22 inches of snow tomorrow, but I know the I can't control the weather.
Marie if it makes you feel any better with snow on the ground I sincerely doubt the power company will shut off the power. They run the risk of some seriously bad PR .. There are too many people who are doing the same thing. Wait and see more will be revealed .. You don't know what your daughter has done or not done and she can still make payment arrangements. Hang tough.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I understand sensitivities. Its good you're aware of them. I get that too, and over the years sometimes I'd think of my husband as my ex partner and they were kind of blurred into one person. Certain things. Other things too feel familiar, my mind gets resistant, adrenalin kicks in. I have to bring myself to the present. Ask what is it that bothers me. Sometimes there is a genuine problem. It takes time to relearn how to be and act. And practice. Youre doing great. Keep coming back!
Serenity, I apologize, D is not my daughter, its the initial of the woman I live with. Yes, you are right, I doubt with that amount of snow coming they would shut it off.
a4l, A few months ago, after reading about trauma and triggers, I started trying to figure out 'okay, anxiety is going up, I'm mad, scared, etc. Why?' Sometimes I can figure it out, some days I can't. You said it takes time to learn how to be and relax...I actaully said that to the woman I live with "I don't know how to be!"
As an aside, I just want everyone to know these are very loving and merciful people. I know I have no right to judge what they do with their finances. But as I said in another post, stupid things trigger me. I was also planning on attending a f2f meeting tomorrow, but I will not drive with that much snow coming.
Marie. I'm a little confused with this living arrangement, are you paying rent to these people? If so, I do believe that you have the right to expect the electricity and heat to remain on.
Al-Anon has taught me that being fearful of the situation accomplishes nothing and that I must act in my own behalf in order to overcome anxiety. Talking things over and reasoning things out with the people in your house would probably work out best.
We all have situations that try to drag us back to old habits and old feelings, I for one see them still daily. So yes, I do fully understand. I am starting to recognize it sooner and I am learning to apply the tools to minimize the affects. I just have to slow down and try to evaluate then apply the right Al-anon saying.
We're expecting about a foot of snow here. If I'm not called into work, I will be here to share with anyone who is around, in between shoveling of course.
Hi Marie,
When I lived with my ex-alcoholic boyfriend he did not pay the bills. I was not working and had to rely on him. We moved so often it was terrible. I remember worrying about the electric bill in the winter. To this day I still get nervous when it gets cold even though I know I will be paying my electric bill. It is natural worry and have triggers when we have been through rough times. I hope the storm is not to bad, we are just getting rain right now.
Sending warm thoughts and prayers for a great outcome! I do understand triggers, and the simplest way for me to get through them is to practice breathing and tell myself "That was then, this is now....I will worry when I have real facts to manage with." Hang in there!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all for sharing your ESH. Betty, yes, I do pay rent. Which is part of the reason I wasn't sure if this is a concern for me. I did speak to my friend, and she said not to worry. They tell me this is my home too, but often times they will make decisions that do affect everyone in the home without any discussion with me. They will tell me what they are going to do etc. but how I feel about it doesn't seem to play a role in their decisions.
Shrnp, thanks for your reply. We were upgrade to a blizzard warning...possible 2-4 inches and hour.
Iamhere, that is something I am trying to remember to do, repeating that 'they aren't my husband.'
