The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i found this in a 12 steps thing, na, i think.....anyway, it triggered me to share something i had to accept....
God's Gift
Our relationship with our Higher Power is a two-way street. In prayer, we speak and God listens. When we meditate, we do our best to listen for the will of our Higher Power. We know that we are responsible for our part of the relationship. If we do not pray and listen, we shut our Higher Power out of our lives.
>>>>>>>>i show up for duty, do my work, focusing now and for ever, doing my inner c hild, self talk to integrate us......my family of origin pain work......doing the literature/ steps/ sponser work, and HEAVY on the IC work......i don't think i can find a relationship with any hp until i "put me back together again" what i mean is "REconnect to me-----REconnection with hp ---- so yeah, do the "God stuff" but the MAIN focus is on my inner child, reconnecting to/ embracing/ understanding/ accepting/ and making amends to my inner child, by going back to the FOO pain, and feeling it and working THROUGH it.........
When we think about our relationship with our Higher Power, it's important to remember which one we are: the powerless one. We can ask for guidance; we can ask for willingness or strength; we can ask for knowledge of our Higher Power's will-but we cannot make demands. The God of our understanding-the one with the power-will fulfill the half of the relationship by giving us exactly what we need, when we need it.We need to take action every day to keep our relationship with a Higher Power alive, One way we do this is by applying the Eleventh Step. Then we remember our own powerlessness and accept the will of a Power greater than ourselves.Just for today: In my relationship with my Higher Power, I am the powerless one. Remembering who I am, today I will humbly accept the gifts of the God I understand.
>>>>>>>>>my HP is within me...i had to learn that....it is INSIDE of me.....my answers are WITHIN......and yes, i am POWERLESS w/out my connection to my INNER higher power, aka Holy Spirit.........yeah, the demands i did....i wanted my good NOW....my instant gratification...and i understand and forgive myself for this....my needs were NOT met growing up so i wanted my "LONG OVERDUE turn now".......its totally understandable.....so while i ask for guidence/ strength, etc, and wait for my good, i take care of ME.....doing my "inner love work" i call it.....if accepting the will of a power greater than i is just "doing what i can and giving outcome over" than ok, i can grasp this....
as a youngster i thought of God as this capricious/ willful/ predjudicial/ helps some and not others UNFAIR entity who enjoyed doing experiments on us like "lets see how much she can take b4 she breaks"....really i saw it as this capricious "maybe i'll help u maybe i won't" and i hated it.....now i work on me,
and to understand the hp concept???? i am "showing up for duty" and putting it aside for now, as i do this deep inner child/ family of origin pain work......i think that comes first....as i reconnect w/me....i will find the REconnection with my hp.....i have to remember and be patient with myself....to have compassion with me....i was SHATTERED!!!!! i was betrayed and so abused/ horrified/ terrified/ violated , i SPLIT--- my IC stayed and endured the abuse, and i "went away".....i SPLIT---- i shut down----i "went away" and left my IC to deal w/ the abuse......
of course being a part of me, she was "numbed out too" but she never forgot the horrifying memories....the pain she had to stuff...the emotions she didn't DARE to process/feel in order to keep her sanity......
people like me end up, usually end up in one or more of THREE possible endings!!!!----- dead, or in some institution, drooling on themselves as a nurse pumps in thier veins more numbing meds to keep their inner demons as drousy and controllable as can be...their tortured minds just couldn't take anymore.....the "twig of sanity" SNAPPED!!! ....and in their drug hazed state they rock themselves in a "day room" with other "vacated minds" in some old, much used tattered chair stairing into space knowing that hell has a zip code!!!! how do i know this??? my boss, whom i will name "J" for privacy reasons did her internship in an institution like i just described in her quest to be a clinical phychologist and SAW, people like me-- their case histories, were a Zerox of my life-- when i first told her WHY i was in recovery, she teared up and embraced me!! she has been a staunch supporter of my recovery ever since.....
i was fortunate....i only became severally codependent.....but don't think i don't have a ton of work to do....FINALLY i accepted my inner child and her plight and her DIRE need for me........yes, i am POWERLESS over the effects of my horror, but i do belive that the light ALWAYS overcomes the darkness and i SHALL overcome......i got this far, i'll get the rest of the way!!!!!!! HP understands, the horse must be put b4 the cart....and that horse is my scared--wounded---in pieces inner child........i humbly thank my hp for giving my sponser JUST the right WORDS to say to me, to help me UNDERSTAND--- ACCEPT that i have to do this "reconciliation" with my IC B4 ANY more progress can happen for me.......thank U, rosie
Thank you for posting this. There are some things here I need to ponder. I do a whole lot more talking than listening to my higher power. Perhaps I needed a reminder to button it up and listen a littel more often. And I have to admit I continue at times to ask for what I want instead of for my HP's will.
I did not think HP was getting joy from my suffering as a child or now. There have been times I have felt overlooked or forgotten.
you wrote
as i reconnect w/me....i will find the REconnection with my hp.....i have to remember and be patient with myself....to have compassion with me
I had not thought of my lost connection to myself as interfering with my connection with my HP and had been feeling frustration with myself for not truly feeling that Spirit. This thought can help my patience.
