The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page shows how AlAnon guides us gradually along our recovery, one day at a time if we think deeply about and begin to practice what we read in our literature and hear at our meetings. We begin to think less about our qualifier (why does he _____, how can he _____?) from a place of judgement, and more about ourselves, why we do what we do.
Today's Reminder - Time spent trying to understand another's destructive behavior will not guide us through our own challenges. We must look at our own actions to determine how to improve. Our qualifier's problems are not ours to diagnose, understand, or fix.
"Although all me have a common destiny, each individual also has to work out his personal salvation for himself....We can help another find out the meaning of life....But in the last analysis, each is responsible for 'finding himself.'" - Thomas Merton: No Man is an Island
******************* This page is powerful. When I find myself working this backwards, focusing on my qualifier's actions before mine, I end up in trouble every time. There is a way out of difficulty, stress, fear or anxiety, but that path must begin with me.
Focus and meditation on the words in the pages of AlAnon, heard at meetings or from a trusted friend or sponsor remind me of my responsibility for my own peace and serenity. I need these reminders because it is very easy for me to slip back to a qualifier-first view of things.
Program guidance recently helped me see where I have been allowing my qualifier's behavior to determine my serenity. This is something that has gone on for a long time, a steady drain on my peace that I discovered only with a combination of program resources.
I am so grateful for the daily help to identify and then adjust my unhealthy behavior to take back control of my serenity
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks for this great reminder, Paul, and thank you for your service.
Today's reading mirrors in a lot of ways the meeting topic from my face-to-face group yesterday. It was a first step meeting, and the first I have been to in a while due to a horrid cold. I've been reflecting on how my life changed when my qualifier came into it, and why those changes happened. It seems that I lost focus on myself, my needs, and my life's balance, and put my focus on her instead. This didn't help her to get or stay sober, and it certainly didn't help me with my problems, either. They became a side-note, something for me to figure out when the time was right.
Alanon has helped me to return my focus to myself and what I am doing, what my problems are and how I am going to deal with them, and little by little, I find myself returning to a place of inner calm and a bit more balance. I am thankful for the opportunities to identify unhealthy behaviors and reactions so I can work toward healthier responses.
Have a wonderful day everyone!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Great reminder Paul Thanks. Skorpi thank you as well, I can identify with each of you
I know that before program, I was always" other" directed. Thinking, erroneously that if I could figure out or understand why someone did what they did or said what they said, I could change them and make them see the light(The light as I understood it)
Alanon's principle of being powerless over others, forced me to pick up the tools of focusing on myself , examining my motives so that I could uncover what I was doing to hurt myself. This was my only true option and how well it worked !!
Keeping coming back working the steps, using the slogans and the daily readers have changed my life one day at a time.
