Hi Tracieann. Welcome to the world of healing and recovery from Alanon. The healing of our wounds from alcoholic relationships, we've all found ourselves in, is real and available to you, too. You are definitely not alone in experiencing mind-boggling insanity from loving an alcoholic. Breakups are never easy. Whether you leave them or they leave you...it can be emotionally tough. Alanon is such a comfort, because you'll end up hearing parts of your story in others. By sharing our experience, strenghth, and hope with each other, we also share solutions that have worked for us. Face to face Alanon meetings are so healing for us, too. We slowly start to allow others into our lives who are on the same 12Step journey of healing. Our isolation is replaced with the fellowship & new found friends in Alanon. Most alcoholics will blame us and others, for their own insanity & selfish behaviors. That's a way for the alcoholic not to change. They continue feeling sorry for themslves..."poor me, poor me, pour me another drink!" It can be another excuse to not take responsibility for their own recovery. We are not responsible for their behaviors, however, we are responsible for our own behaviors and reactions to life. We can't change anyone else, except ourselves with the help of Alanon's 12 Steps. Alanon helps us weed out, what is ours & what is the alcoholic's stuff. It's one thing for them to blame us for their unhealthy behaviors, but another thing for us to accept that blame...we learn not to accept the blame that the alcoholic may dish our way. Doing Alanon 12 Steps, with your own sponsor can help soothe your broken heart. There's nothing too big that can't be healed for us, if we're willing to do the worked required to gain that healing. May your tears and heartbreak that you're experiencing right now, be replaced with the love and fellowship of the folks in Alanon. I've been through what you're going through and know that comfort, understanding, and reassurance are the ingredients to help you heal. Sending prayers of comfort to you.

thank you for the suggestions. i signed up for a couple online al anon meetings today. i'm a single parent and work full time so it's a little hard to find in person ones that work. i will keep looking though. i WANT to be able to decipher what i need to own and what i don't need to take responsibility for. as it is, i take responsibility for everything and it's far too much weight for me to carry! having grown up with an alcoholic dad, i tried an acoa meeting and was going for a while. but some guy hit on me the first day i was there and had shared about some of the abuse i've suffered. i was very uncomfortable and i was not strong enough to know how to handle it or what to do. i very much needed a safe place. he cornered me at every meeting and i didn't know how to handle it so i stopped going. i think i'm resolute enough that i need help to be firm if that comes up again. but it really scared me and i didn't know who or how to talk at the meeting about it. any suggestions if that happens again? maybe i should have shared about my fear of him during the meeting...