The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is it taking care of self when you learn how to put all the focus on self ? What is it we are to do to do this? I have wondered about what the limits and boundaries and other things involved in doing this are. Are we supposed to do this to learn something and to be able to protect ourself from being in the situation again? Are we supposed to learn this so we can protect ourselves WHILE we continue to live in the same oh same oh? Then I begin to wonder if it is just another survival skill and why call it recovery. I mean I had skills I learned as a young one that would still work if I'm going to live the same kind of life. Isn't that just doing it different with someone else ? The A's aren't doing anything different, they just get less flak for what they are doing to themself and everyone else. If it was smoke then there is a law to get rid of everything about the person smoking. Smoking didn't screw up my life like A's alcohol does. I have better protection and the children from cigarettes. Now I'm really wondering about insanity ! Why was I told to teach my child how to LOVE ( accept and live around alcoholic behavior) an A ???? I DON'T EVEN LIKE BEING IN MY OWN MIND WITH THIS ONE !!! As a young teenager the A's drank with her behind my back while I made an a.. out of myself. They are pros at lies and manipulation. They don't like it when their problem is talked to about to children in my opinion. They are going to talk to the A's about it and there is nothing I could do about it . And nothing I could do about the A's explanation to them. Their young mind can make choices to drink and not thinking it wrong when a loved one does it with them. So what do you do when the child misinterprets and thinks you are doing something bad to the A by talking this stuff about their other family you role model having to live with ? What does this silent approval convey ? Was I taking care of myself and not my child by having them live with me and the A's that were family? If it were smoke we couldn't do that, could we? Well her interpretation was to join them and is still an A 16 yrs later and her children are learning to live with it. But not the smoke! Outside with it! No excuses or learning to live with it or LOVE the smoker ! I am so angry and hurt. I feel abandoned,rejected, and betrayed because I didn't do(be an A) it too. I lived without my a-dau the last 16 yrs and my a-mom and her are the ones with the relationship. Now that I'm back around them am I supposed to feel recovered because I learned about the 12 steps and other recovery ? I'm not sure how to live with this. Recovery and no child . The A's revenge worked and I have this gaping hole in my heart I don't know how to heal. They haven't admitted a problem and have no idea whats wrong with me. I'm the mental case. I'm lost with all this. Katrina took all that recovery got an I feel like I'm getting slapped in the face for going off and doing it different. Like it did any good. They are better off than me. What kind of support is there for this ??????
IN PAIN AND WANT ESH AND SUPPORT
I have to relocate again cause I can't afford to live here and they don't acknowledge whats happened to me from Katrina. I can't go to a home that isn't there. The A's aren't going to help me when they are helping themself and can't recognize their own problem much less mine. LOST!?!?!? And the grandchildren. TAKING CARE OF SELF ?????? Now your on disability and no one or where to go. No car. How do you do it ? Do you do it with or without support ? Where is that???
LOST AND WANT ESH AND SUPPORT
BLESSINGS TO ALL WILL YOU PRAY FOR ME AT LEAST
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I want to give you lots of support. It sounds like you have a lot of emotional and other stuff to deal with. You sound overwhelmed and sometimes they call that codependency - the inability to take care of ourselves. And I won't say I know where you are because I haven't experienced it. The disease of alcoholism is cunning and insidious and it takes us down with it. I think that recovery is there to help us. And it isn't fair but we can't do anything about it. From my experience alot more is going on for us in recovery then we realize. I too am shocked and devastated by what has gone on with my family and my own life. I can't believe what the players are doing. I never thougth it would turn out like this. But there is hope. The people in the program say there is hope and serenity. Keep posting here, keep going to meetings, keep trying to work it out, and find that direct line to your HP.
((((HUGS)))). I almost started crying when I read your post, as it brings up a lot of resentment I have for my A.
I'm pretty new here, so I don't know how to answer. But I get it. I totally understand where you are coming from. I understand your frustration, and anger, and hurt. Some of your sentences really hit home for me.
I'm sure there are a lot of member here who will be offer some great advice. I just want to let you know you aren't alone in your thinking.
Praying for some peace for you and some help with Katrina relief....((((hug))))
((((((HUGS)))))) I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling! I have be dealing with an a for 4 years--not really acknowledging that is what he was until about 2 years ago. I thought he was just sad and overwhelmed and misunderstood and had had a hard life. I thought that with love and care and support from good old me, we could get through anything!!! It has been the hardest 4 years. I can't imagine dealing with it as long as you have. I might in the end, but that seems so overwhelming right now!!!
It does seem unfair that we are supposed to be so understanding and accepting of them, and yet we get nothing in return from them for our efforts. Sometimes that really gets me to!!! I hope that you can find some peace for yourself soon!!!!!
Try to make a F2F meeting--that might really help. Just keep coming back here and posting. There are some truly great people here who might have just what you need to hear at just the right time.
I am so sorry for your distress. I don't know what to say or how to comfort you as I don't have children and your circumstances are so very different from mine. I wish I could offer you more. However, I can and will pray for you.
As for taking care of ourselves, I found I had to as the alcoholics surely weren't about to. I didn't see it as a way of condoning their behaviour or absolving them of their responsibilities just me accepting responsibility for me. Like you said, the disease makes them self-centered and self-obsessed. I believed I deserved a better life and if I wanted it then it was up to me to make it happen, easier said than done of course but I believed I was worth it. You are too, so I wish you strength to get through this difficult time.
