The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my alcoholic partner has been drinking for the last 3 weeks again. He is a binge drinker who drinks a bottle and a half of vodka a day when he hits it and goes downhill very rapidly these days. He is now in the phase of wanting to stop but not being able to even with medication prescribed by his doctor which he is taking along with the alcohol. I don't live with him, though he lives very close to me, I have minimum contact while he is drinking as I find it very hard to be around him, listening to the same thing over and over again. I bring him some food most days, sit for an hour and have a chat. I don't comment really on the drinking, I have learned in alanon that I am powerless over that. Today he asked if he could come up to my house for an hour because he is trying to get away from it and I said yes. Then he rang and asked if he could get takeaway for me and my kids. I said no, nicely, I was just about to make dinner and wanted to stick to my plans.
I knew he wouldn't be happy about that. He makes comments about kindness being thrown in his face whenever I refuse something he offers. But I just didn't feel up to the whole ordering takeout with someone whose state of inebriation I couldn't predict! I don't like to make any plans with him when he is drinking. Also he spends money he can't afford when he's drinking and I felt the whole takeaway thing would mean him being here for longer than an hour and I just couldn't cope with that. Anyway he didn't arrive up and is not answering his phone. Maybe fallen asleep, maybe sulking, I don't know. I feel bad. He is a kind and sensitive man in many ways but it's so hard to be around the disease and take care of myself at the same time. I feel I have done well this time, no arguments, managed to keep the focus one my own life, things I needed to do, while at the same time letting him know I was there. But I was only able to do that by really asking myself 'how much contact can I handle today?'. The disease would invade and take over every bit of my life and my mind if I didn't keep strong boundaries and I have learned that the hard way. Still there is the guilt. I tend to think, especially when it gets to this stage, where he's very weak from the drinking, what if he died and the last thing I had said was something hurtful, even though it wasn't intended that way. It is really such a terrible disease. God love them, and us who have to try to deal with it!
((Sarah)) Bless your kind heart . I have been there and so understand You are doing well. You are treating him with courtesy and respect and taking care of yourself in the process.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Thank you for sharing. I think your a brilliant example for me. Your compassion love and kindness is what it's all about really. It's such an awful disease.
Oh, I so understand this. We try to find compassion and kindness for the alcoholic while also maintaining self care. I do hope you had a lovely evening with your children. HUGS!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Sending you tons of (((hugs))), prayers and positive support. I too think you are doing just great. I don't know if this will help or not but I was told that Yes and No are complete sentences and are not a rejection/snub. They are just words. I do agree - Bless Them - it's a horrid disease!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
