The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I recently decided to make the decision to tell my husband I will not be around him if he is drinking. I don't know if this is helping or hurting. We own a business together and right now I am missing a social event with our business partners because he said he's drinking there so I have to deal with it or not come. I feel like I am missing out because of him.
-- Edited by JE235 on Thursday 16th of February 2017 08:26:17 PM
Emma that is only one of the decisions you can make to support your need to be away from the alcoholic and the disease and the other simultaneous is to be around those like us who have also done it and more to free ourselves from the insanity of alcoholism. I made the decision, with help from a sponsor, to be away from my family of origin and my alcoholic addict wife rather than to associate with the craziness. I became a member of the Al-Anon Family Groups and learned what being sober, sane and serene was. It worked and I love it. Keep coming back because this works when you work it. Our first step starts out "We admitted we were powerless over alcoholism and that our life had become unmanageable". (((((hugs)))))
Welcome to MIP Emma - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I too suggest finding and attending Al-Anon meetings - that's where I started my journey to restoring my own sanity and soul. There is tons of support, help and hope in sharing with others who truly understand what it's like to live with or love someone who's an alcoholic.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and also a family disease - we are affected in ways we often do not know until we can pause long enough to look at ourselves. Keep coming back - it works when you work it.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome JE235 and hugs. I too made the choice to not allow my sometimes toxic but lovely AH not to be under the influence in our home. Most importantly I made this decision not to manipulate him or to try to control him, but for me and my sanity. I could not tolerate the anxiety, hurt and anger I would be consumed with when he was drinking in my presence. When I first set the boundary to not be around him if he was drinking, there was resistance and some slips, but with time my AH has respected my boundary and our relationship had strengthened because of it.
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- Carrie
Stress is caused by being 'here' but wanting to be 'there'. Eckhart Tolle
I've have been wrestling with this as well, my AH asked me last night to attend a function with him and Co workers. We rarely do public events. I know I would the topic presented that night. However how do I go when I know he will be drinking. I've gone to events with him and not drank which upset him...I was a prude.
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When it Rains, Look for Rainbows. When it's Dark, Look for Stars-unknown
