I feels mixing family and business is a generally a BAD idea.  Unfortunately, a sibling opening a high end "resale" store with virtually no help. She says it is her lifelong dream.  She is also fully employed and plans to stay that way, leaving a less than optimal spouse to "run" the store (except for books/purchases/prep).  Basically he will be a clerk with an attitude.

Anyway, we grew up in an A home and only I have given AlAnon a chance.  Her "isms" are glaring (as are mine at times).  My mother is very dear to me and I would do almost anything for her because of love (yeah, I know that is not always healthy, but I have made a choice and plan to do my best).

So, my mother asked me to help sis and I agreed. I was supposed to help set up, determine layout, and help her to better understand local/popular art and/or significant pieces.  We have VERY different taste & she does not understand placement or design.

I would never have stepped in (even by my mother's request) except that my sis asked as well.  

Here is the issue....I am physically disabled and even "helping" with small things like painting frames with spray paint is very, very hard on me.  I cannot work like any normal person and I become psychologically and physically overwhelmed easily due to pain.

I now realize the project has thrown me back into dealing with manipulation, lies, ulterior motives, unscrupulous behaviors, witnessing bullying, yelling, whining, crying, and "poor pitiful me"... followed and mixed with some BIG excuses.  I despise the environment! I do, however, enjoy helping with layout arrangement and looking up values/research.  I also enjoy creating small, easy projects.  These things give me a reason to get out of the house and use my brain a bit.  I can't do it long, but I am well suited for this type of project. But, no matter what, I am catching "flack"....whining, throwing things on the floor, incessant temper tantrums, and unrelenting repeated telephone calls (after she has gone bezerk and I have left).

I cannot handle the insanity...I havd to leave when it flared...so she called me over, and over, and over, and over...until I finally picked up the phone and addressed the issue (after taking a long shower and some time to process things).  When I answered, I was bombarded with sobbing, "I can't do anything right, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I just won't do anything, I can't do it without you"...blah, blah, blah...  I used my tools!!!! Hooray!!!  It felt exactly like I was dealing with an A again!!! I do know she does not use any substances, except food.  

I refused to "fall" for it, explaining to her that I am practicing a new program in my life whereby I do the next right thing and that I will not do what others can do for themselves. Unfortunately, she obviously cannot do certain things for herself.  We each have our own tallents and flaws.

After coming to an understanding, I agreed to continue to provide assistance under certain stipulations.  She agreed.  Unfortunately, she couldnt keep her end of the bargain for even one day.  It was all comments like "I bought all of the-----because YOU told me to", which is bs!  She just left to "go do something" and brought back several truckloads of "new" antiques (mostly furniture and pieces they HATED, but I thought were magnificent!!!  Then I got a call saying the furniture was "my job"...so I explained I don't have a job.  I would help by explaining how to do certain things, but the "work" is on her. Of course that was just wonderful, except it never works that way!  

I have now realized that all of this has allowed me to unravel.  I have been "bit--ing" constantly (as I did before AlAnon), spouting angry language, being excessively needy w/my RAH, and overall loosing my serenity.  I am now desperately seeking resolution of this venture and doing all in my power to practice the program. It is the only way to regain what I have lost.

I am not blaming now, only acceptping my behaviors.  I knew she and I could never see things the same way and that she resented my "happiness" since RAH started AA (and I AlAnon).  Unfortunately, I didn't realize "helping" was going to lead me back to controlling and complaining (and being used out of convenience).

If there were a way to introduce her to AlAnon without "pushing", I would love to hear it.  She did go to some meetings with me many years ago when RAH and I were at a very bad place in our marriage.  Unfortunately, she could not see how she had been affected by alcohol in our home growing up and never considered AlAnon for herself.  

I will somehow find a way to extricate myself from this business venture (just as soon as humanly possible...while still keeping my word to my mother and sister for helping with initial setup).  After that, she must take on her own responsibility or "her dream" will be "my dream" and I DONT HAVE THAT SAME DREAM...lol.  

Anyway, I apologize for my lengthy post.  Any ESH with this sort of sibling situation would be greatly appreciated.  My sister is truly miserable in her life and I don't want to hurt her, however, I now know over-helping does hurt and demoralize people. I also have to make amends to my RAH, child, & friends for my recent behaviors.  I have already admitted my behavior to them, apologized, and began working my program harder.  I am also returning to FTF meetings as soon as the daylight is ok for me to safely drive at meeting time again. For now, the board, CAL, and podcasts are my salvation.