The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why do alcoholics isolate themselves? AND the people they claim to love, and care about? When he moved upstairs into our vacant apartment, his reason was that he just needed his own space for awhile...to do his own thing. As near as I can tell, his 'own thing' is watching TV and drinking. Just like he did in our portion of the house. I feel like a hypocrite even visiting this site, because all of you seem ready to begin healing, and working on being strong...and all I want is for him to come back downstairs and love me again.
((Munch)) You are not alone It took me many months to finally accept the fact that I was powerless over this dreadful disease and that the best I could do was to begin to care about myself.
Like the alcohoic, I too isolated myself with the alocholic so that atttending face to face alanon meetings not only helped me to pick up new tools to live by but also helped to break the isolation that I imposed on myself.
(((Munch))) - sending you tons of hugs....I believe we all arrive here when we need to. "Here" is this page, a meeting, another place - here is when we begin to 'see' something is not right in my life. Most of us deny for a long while until we realize that our existence is wrapped up with a disease that is so powerful it's made us into people we don't even know (and may not like)!!
I was full of despair when I got here as well as denial. I just kept thinking today will be the day he 'gets it'. That went on for years and years before I got smacked with the reality stick that this was my life too and it was an unmanageable mess. Even then, I did not want to admit I was powerless over the disease - I viewed the word powerless as weakness/quitting. What I found when I finally came to believe I could not fix them, control them, change them, etc. that same word was more powerful than any word I had accepted before.
I started really small - walks with the dog, meeting only, etc. Small trips, out and about, realizing it did help change up my days. Then I stayed around the meetings, or actually went to lunch after. My biggest fear was they would 'come to' when I was gone and the window of opportunity would pass. I learned that moments of clarity in this disease are just that - moments. Our recovery is our journey and their's is theirs. I know now that I will be OK whether they ever get sober or not.
Be gentle with you and just do one small thing for you and only you today. Add to it tomorrow. Throw in a meeting/two. Rinse, repeat. You'll find support, relief, hope and help in recovery - yet be able to be and do 'you' to the best of your ability! That's been my experience...keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Why? Munch...I came to accept that it was the way it happened and liking or disliking it wasn't an option which drove me further insane and then I came to accept that she and I and the families and everyone the disease touch were powerless over it also just as deeply. We were all touched by the insanity and only a few would seek healing. You are where you are at and you don't like it and not liking it can and will move you to where the miracle of recovery if you do what we have done as been suggested by the program. I doubted that 100% until I started to feel, hear, see and behave as the elders did and only after years of that did my Alcoholic/addict wife find sobriety that she came to want and need for herself and not for me. Isolation can be one of the most powerful tools in recovery should you combine it with willingness and determination and humility during your practice of this program...you will acquire a life beyond your wildest dream (a promise) if you work this as we have on a daily basis. Keep coming back on a daily basis and find a Al-Anon Family Group home if one is available to you. Get the literature especially "How it Works" and our daily readers to support ongoing recovery.
This morning my wife and I started our day in that fashion before we went to our home groups because that works as we work it...it took daily one day at a time practice.
Keep coming back here for the support of the MIP Family...you will do great. ((((hugs))))
