Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

wifeofalcoholic · Senior Member

Death in family - no support

Enigmatic · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello wife, so sorry you are struggling, death is often a difficult event to process even in the best of circumstances.

I appreciate the simplicity of the program, and that what 'works' in the program works for any challenge we are facing. Connecting with our higher power, sponsor and other members, attending meetings, reading AlAnon literature, and prayer and meditation are the things the program recommends we participate in regularly, but especially when we are having a rough go.

During these times, I try to attend every meeting I can fit into my schedule, read on particular topics that I am struggling with, and make sure I am following up with meditation on what I have read and heard. This helps push out the negative thoughts and feelings and make room for the positive perspectives and peace of the program.

Hang in there, keep working, know that you're not alone

luv123 · Senior Member

Sending positive thoughts & prayer! You are not alone although u may feel it at moments.... feelings aren't facts. One day at a time -hr. at a time -- u can get through this. Grief is a really challenging feeling for me--I need to do a lot of self care and keep up my meetings/prayer time/chatting with ala-pals---the phone meetings are great too when u can't get to a face to face due to the lack of time during these things. (even half of a phone meeting or a face one is good-u don't need to get to the whole thing) When I am not getting support through who I would like to get it through, I have to ask for acceptance and open my eyes to the ways HP is giving me support (maybe not the package I want, but it is there in some other way if I look)

Here is part of schedule-there are more meetings listed online--

for that or more details on the topics go to

al

-anon.org click on find a meeting.

712-432-8733 pin #52639... .... (Eastern standard time) daily 6a, 9a, 12pm, 4p, 8p, 10p , many nights at midnight (with a few exceptions on weekends sat/ sunday 8 am & 10am rather than at 9, I think...) for the meeting times you can also call that 8733 number & just press this pin # (keypad numbers that correspond with the word TIMES)

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

So sorry for your loss wife and also sorry for the pain you are in! I'm also sending you positive thoughts and prayers - be gentle with you...

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The miracle for me is remembering the first step and getting it into my mind over and over and over. Knowing that others were standing with me during times like this reminded me that I didn't and wasn't the answer at all times and allowed myself to pray for others and allow others to pray for/with me.

The first step practice helped me just recently with the loss of my younger brother. God's got him and he could be a whole lot more at ease than I. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

wifeofalcoholic · Senior Member

Thank you very much for all the responses and support and kind words. I went to a meeting today and it was very helpful. I also read my One Day at a Time and the Courage to Change. I will keep working the program and take care of myself. Sorry, Jerry, for the loss of your younger brother. Yes, God has him and my loved one also.

Maresie25 · Senior Member

I have certainly been through a loss in the family around an alcoholic. I remember when my mother died. I did not know the alcoholic well then. It's funny how you.dont know an alcoholic for a long time The alcoholic who I was with certainly had real issues around death. Expecting someone like that to be #there# when you have a loss is a real no winner. Cut back up to today, I lost a friend over the holidays. A friend of mine who is an alcoholic is totally non responsive. In have been #there# for her a great deal. These days I don't expect much. I have learned expectations turn into resentments Nevertheless I would say I re evaluate certain relationships when people are not #there# for me. Since my loss I have pulled back on being #there# for my friend I hope you get help managing your grief. It's about a month since I lost my friend. He was a very dear friend to me, really #there# when I needed him. You deserve to have support and care at this time. I hope you get some Maresie25

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene