Welcome Lolo Glad that you reached out and shared. Alanon is a recovery program for family members to learn how to break the isolation caused by living in the disease. Alanon also provides new tools to live by. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages.

Keep coming back

I too send warm welcomes to you LoLo - so glad you found us and so glad that you joined and shared. I am sorry for the pain and chaos the disease is causing in your life. It's awesome that you reached out here and are breaking the 'secrets' many of us keep as a result of the disease. I can relate - I did my fair share of covering up for the many mishaps of my qualifiers. Ultimately, it became too much for me and I felt as if I was truly stuck in the bottom of a deep well - dark, hopeless, lost and just defeated.

The program has been a game changer for me. Starting with meetings and following suggestions from those who came before me, I've been able to accept the disease as it is - progressive, damaging, painful and perpetual. I've been able to separate the disease from the person and restore myself to a much saner and peaceful place.

My hope for you is you seek local meetings - that's where I found local support. You can also suggest Al-Anon for the extended family - it's for anyone affected by the drinking of a friend or relative. We focus on just one day at a time, so just for today - be gentle with yourself and know you are not alone.

Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!!

Welcome--keep coming back and attending face to face meetings, phone meetings (6-8 available each day) are also good if u have a little one--all the info is on alanon.org under find a meeting...

We all had to start somewhere and it can be overwhelming at times. Just remember you are NOT ALONE and never have to feel alone again. We talk about having to 'work' a program to get well in Al-anon. For me that means attending 2-3 meetings each week one way or another(phone, online, in person)--daily if it is a very tough week. Reading the Al-anon daily readers also on the website under literature (Courage to Change, Hope for Today & One Day at a Time) those pages hold incredible examples of what boundaries are and how to practice letting go & focusing on just one day etc. , how to work the Al-anon steps, develop your own idea of a higher power (optional--no pressure on any religious/spiritual front-whatever will work for you), practice, practice, practice in all areas of my life and I have a beautiful, balanced life today --one where I can still demonstrate care about loved ones without becoming consumed by their disease or crisis.

The Alcoholic even (very eventually) was able to thank me for working a good Al-anon program because it had an impact on his decision to get and use the help in AA. But that doesn't always happen--from what I have seen the only guarantee is we will get and feel better if we work this program. That we can find happiness regardless of if the A is drinking or not. We deserve to live a good and peaceful life regardless of another person's choices or maladies--we can do it for anyone else-we can only focus on our side of the street and to do that we need a lot of help from these beautiful resources that are free for all. ---Wishing you the best in your recovery journey! You have already started & have good things in store for you!

LOLO - at the top left, you will see a meeting schedule for meetings here. There is also a link to the actual meeting/chat room. In my area, we are blessed that a few offer child care. I don't know how wide spread that exists, but add it so you know it might be an option.

I also know that there are phone in meetings, and other online meetings beyond us here @ MIP - I've never done either but suspect you might find more from the official Al-Anon site and/or searching the web.

I also am a big believer in listening to speakers. There are quite a few recorded videos of Al-Anon (and AA) speakers online. Great question(s)!!

Keep coming back!

I can totally relate to your post. I hope you can find a face to face meeting where you are. Some of the meetings do offer childcare so I think you can look through the al-anon main pages and search on your city (those that offer childcare should be coded as such). If you can't find a meeting there are plenty of youtube discussions and there is a podcast you can access through therecoveryshow.com that has all sorts of past discussions on everything related to al-anon and alcoholism. Listening to the pre-recorded discussions were very helpful to me at the beginning. I found breaking the isolation was the first step to my recovery. Although you may regret telling your parents and in-laws, you now have some support. They may be misguided in thinking that you or they can prevent him from drinking but bear with them as this is probably very new to them. There is also a ton of literature out there. Some of the books I found helpful, besides the daily readers, were How to Live with an Alcoholic and Still Enjoy Your Life and How Al-Anon works. Answers to your question about boundaries will come in time once you learn some helpful tools that they teach in this program. It took me a while to get that one straight and to follow through on them.

You came to the right place with this board. Just know that you are not alone and I am sending you many positive thoughts and prayers.