The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AlAnon encourages us to keep the focus on the positive rather than the negative. Today's page points to the value of doing this when rooting out unwanted behavior. Rather than avoidance through willpower, we focus energy and effort on the positive replacement behavior.
Today's Reminder: Whatever the negative behavior, we crowd it out by taking action to practice the opposite, positive thought and behavior. If we are sad, deliberately and exclusively focus on happiness, if fearful, focus on gratitude or our confidence in our higher power.
The program quote: "I stopped trying to force myself to eliminate my faults when I found it didn't work. Then I realized that I had to replace them with something better."
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One of the best ways to keep weeds out of your lawn is to grow healthy, thick, and tall grass that leaves no room or sunlight for the unwanted greens. This approach helps me become a kinder, more gentle person as I focus on showing patience and love rather than becoming even more intense as I try to intimidate my unhealthy behavior by will alone.
This feels more positive to me, leaves me feeling much more at peace, and the results are immeasurably better. This works! Very grateful for the guidance of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your post. I really needed to hear that today because I am trying hard to change my behaviors and thought process. Sometimes I have a habit of being frank when I am saying things, and I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. Plus, I am trying to replace the negative with a more serene positive. I have noticed it in my post on here that I still have quite a ways to go when even giving advice. Maybe, I could leave out some negative things, and add some more positive thoughts.
Hi shrnp, it is certainly a journey, and it is progress not perfection by which we are urged to measure it by. For this I am grateful, as I tried for perfect in myself and expectations of others for far too long...not a pretty or peaceful path.
One of the biggest concepts ALAnon introduced me to was the thought of leaving others to find their own way, free from my efforts to steer, guide, control, or otherwise change their path. Before that, I had no concept of silence, feeling that I could and should offer advice, opinions, and direction to others, mostly uninvited. Keeping the focus on me was a positive way to adjust my habits without becoming too critical of myself.
Hang in there, practice makes progress and leads us to peace
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Oh so true - a process!!! I am so glad that others who came before me suggested I leave my 'perfect' hat outside the door....it was a hard thing to leave behind, but truly helped me tons.
I thank you Paul for the daily and appreciate your service and ESH. Same shrnp - the journey for me began with tons of pain, sadness, confusion mixed in with a bit of anger, resentment and a huge topping of regret/shame. When I listened with an open mind, and saw others who had found serenity and joy just doing what was suggested, I was intrigued. When I learned the three C's, and started to see I had control over one very important thing - ME - I felt a bit of hope. As I began to stay in my own hula-hoop, with my mouth closed and focusing on my needs in each scenario, I realized I had control over my actions, reactions, and emotions. I learned that feelings are not facts, and like everything else, this too shall pass.
The pain is so real from this disease....and when I am there, it does feel as if it's unbearable and 'forever'. The program has taught me how to walk through it, learn from it, grow from it and get my joy on the other side. I had to be willing to do the work - and one of the first suggestions I was given was each time my mind began to focus on all that was wrong - flip it upside down, and focus on what is not wrong.
Gratitude lists help me still and were extremely helpful in the beginning. One day, one moment at a time it works when we work it!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Paul.
Just what I needed to read today actually- I've been feeling quite stuck in certain patterns/reactions and feeling as if I have "no choice" and it's all 'out of my control". But this gives me an empowering spin on the whole thing....I like it.
TFYS
