The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this group and only went to a few face to face meetings about a year ago. I have a very dear friend who is really struggling with alcoholism. I have known him for almost 20 years and only in the last 5 or less did I even know he had a problem...and then I just thought he just would drink when he was sad. However, I found out that he had been in and out of rehab, even during the times we have been friends and I didn't even know. However, he tells me I am his best friend. How did I not know? I could have helped him sooner, because now I have watched him almost die 4 months ago and I don't ever want to watch that again. I just found out he was taken by ambulance today to the hospital, but has been released...same as they did 2 weeks ago. The hospital does not have a detox program, so unless he is in full withdraw, they won't keep him and he is right back where he was with no one to help him. I feel like I am his only friend, as his mom passed away from a terrible fall and head injury (from being drunk) about 10 years ago and his dad and mom were divorced since he was a kid (he's not 46) and he wants nothing to do with him. He is such a smart person, with a degree in IT and has had great opportunities with jobs with major companies, but has lost them all after a few years (now knowing that it was from his disease, I get it.) But I don't really get it...I am trying, but feel like I am the cause of why he can't get better...which I know is not true, but I can't stop feeling that way. I can't concentrate at my own job and I am afraid that it is affecting every part of my life. I can't stop trying to fix it. Why can't I fix it????!!!! I hate myself and I just want it to all go back to how it used to be when we first met. I am so scared of what might happen to my friend, but also afraid I can't go on. But, then I can't fix that either. I am going insane and need to be in an inpatient psych ward, but I am afraid they would laugh at me....OMG...I am a mess.
((KKC))) Welcome You are not alone. I am sorry to read of how you and your friend suffers The disease of alcoholism is cunning and powerful and unfortunately we are powerless over this chronic, progressive disese.
Alanon is a recovery program for family members who live with or have lived with the disease. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot li ne number is in the white pages. Here I was able to break the isolation caused by living with the disease, learned new constructive tools to live by and reclaimed my self esteem . Please keep coming back
(((KKC))) - I too send you a welcome to MIP. I am also sorry for the pain you feel as you watch the disease affect someone you care about. Alcoholism is considered a family disease as it tends to reach beyond the drinker and affects those who love, live with or care about them too.
We tend to loose ourselves in trying to help, just to find out - we are powerless as Betty suggests. The best tool I found was the recovery program of Al-Anon. I found others who understood and helped me understand how to work on me, take care of me and develop healthy boundaries and support methods.
You are not alone - please keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am certain there are detox facilities where you live. Seeing someone you.care about go through this debilitating disease is terribly painful.
Going in and out of the hospital is part.of the process for some people. The problem is some of us are not clear on where we end and they.begin. I know I.have certainly stepped in when my stepping in.was not.warranted.
Give yourself some time and space to take care of yourself Grief is a pretty complex topic. Unentangling from an alcoholic takes time and skill. Am anon has some skills and tools that help. They really do help in.mitigating pain and chaos Why not try it out. They helped me and I am not.someone who trusts easily. Going to meetings helos, getting a sponsor helps. Reading literature helps. Your friend is certainly in dire straits but you deserve help too. Maresie25
I hate myself and I just want it to all go back to how it used to be when we first met. I am so scared of what might happen to my friend, but also afraid I can't go on. But, then I can't fix that either. I am going insane and need to be in an inpatient psych ward, but I am afraid they would laugh at me....OMG...I am a mess.