The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c reading is about coming to the realisation that we cannot stop someone else from drinking, and the freedom we attain when we finally drop the rope. Often we know this intellectually but it takes some time to actually feel it and meetings, literature and conversations with other members are a vital part of coming to this new understanding.
Even if the alcoholic loved one finds sobriety we find ourselves needing to practice this powerlessness instead of monitoring their sobriety or meeting attendance etc; fear is a good indicator that we in fact need to work our own program rather than being concerned with whether or how someone else is working theirs.
The reading reminds us that surrender is the first step on the path to freedom.
"Our spiritual growth is unlimited and our reward endless if we try to bring this program into every phase of our daily lives" (The Twelve Steps and Traditions).
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What a gift is the freedom I found when I realised that I had no control over anyone else's behavior. Instead my influence is limited to making sure my boundaries are in tact- aside from that, what other people choose to do is no longer my responsibility. That has indeed opened up an entirely new path for me, one where I walk towards what I want to attain instead of going around in circles trying to "manage" everyone else. I think I've lived more in the few years I've been learning and practicing "powerlessness" than in two decades prior!
Hi Ms.M. Love the idea that "surrender " is the first step to freedom. How very true and at first so confusing I know when I first arrived in alanon I wanted to be given the tools to STOP the Drinking and unacceptable behavior. When I was told I was powerless of the disease but had power over my own self,in the form of my responses ,my thoughts and actions, I was furious and wanted to bolt. I am glad I did not, because after my first meeting I felt lighter and better than i had in years.
I took what I liked and left the rest and although I could not accept my powerlessness in the beginning it grew on me and today I embrace thee principle completely I love the freedom it afford.
Thank you, MissM and Betty, great page...so much is covered by Step 1! As for many, the implications of this step were staggering to me, and still serve as a quick test: When I feel things start to feel unmanageable, that is my alert that I am trying to control something I can't/shouldn't.
It's like my biofeedback without the pesky equipment, I have it wherever I go and it doesn't need batteries. The simplicity of AlAnon is always striking to me when I compare to its power...very grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
