The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about martyrdom and self-pity....many of us come to Al-Anon and often don't realize that we're as ill as the alcoholic. We give power to other people's words and actions and often take it personally or react in unhealthy ways. Often we discover that we played the martyr role for a long time, and the suffering we shared brought us attention and pity. We got comfortable blaming others for our problems and avoided taking responsibility for our own life. We come to discover in recovery that the affects no longer are worth the price we pay.
We come to find out who we really are with the help of Al-Anon and a higher power. We come to find a beautiful person within who doesn't need an identity built around suffering. We learn to allow ourselves to blossom instead of hiding behind a cloak of suffering. We no longer want to miss our on our opportunities to live, grow and enjoy.
The reminder --- There is so much to appreciate in this life. I won't waste another moment feeling sorry for myself.
The quote is from Martha Washington --- "..........the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances."
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Before I came to Al-Anon, I truly believed these things were all happening 'to me' and I was a victim. I over-shared, often with the wrong people, who fed me ego-building answers that added to my martyrdom. I thrived on the attention and pity until it became unbearable, too painful and just a horrible way to exist.
The program and my higher power gave me back me....I learned that I had power within to take control over my own journey, my own joy and my own peace. I could choose to allow others to have power over me or not. I could choose to focus on what's broken or not. I could choose to be positive or not. I had choices, a beautiful higher power and a lovely group of like-minded folks also wanting/needing a different way to live and grow.
There is nothing I can do to prevent events in life, but I can respond in a different way and grow from each experience in my life. I am so grateful for recovery, the program and all it gives us. Make it a great day MIP family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH for posting this important message. Knowing and accepting that my happiness depends on my attitude and not on circumstances was a huge. This change in attitude that the Steps helped me to formulate was huge and I am so grateful.
Have a good day and thanks for your service
Thank you IAH for your service and you both for sharing your ESH. This was a big realization for me when I first found AlAnon. I immediately recognized how I used the conduct of my qualifier to build my own martyr scenario, where I valiantly and honorably fought against the 'evils' of alcoholic behavior.
That mindset kept me from seeing my own deplorable attitudes and actions which were every bit as ugly as what I wanted credit for enduring. Alanon is helping me step up and take responsibility for my choices. Challenging always, humbling often, but the rewards are undeniable...such power to be had with a change of disposition.
There always are reasons for gratitude and appreciation, no matter what the circumstances. This past week is teaching me appreciation for better health, something I generally enjoy but absolutely take for granted. This past week's slap down is a great chance to reflect, be grateful, and appreciate physical recovery! Haha, thank you both for your well wishes, I am working my way back
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hey Paul - it's a slow process on the flu/virus going around here....My aunt is still coughing hard/often at the 2 week marker. I'm much better but my energy is still lacking....slowly but surely I'm bouncing back - hope you're feeling better.
You have an awesome way of sharing here - often I can totally relate, word for word. Thanks for your service too and your ESH always!!
Betty - thanks for your ESH too! You already know you are a bright light - and I love, love, love the new avatar photo!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I so needed to read this today - thank you for your post. I have been working on this lately and sharing with my children that we always, always, have a choice. We can always choose gratitude, joy and peace. No one can do this for you and no one can take it from you without your permission.
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Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
