The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks for sharing PC - I know when I arrived, I felt guilty and uncomfortable putting 'me' first. It's gotten easier with practice and time!
(((hugs))) and happy holidays!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
That was one of the harder things for me to learn. Yes, we are still together and not divorced. Actually, AlAnon saved our marriage and I can see it saves a lot of other marriages. We learn alternate ways to deal with getting our needs met. In the extreme of the message you posted, though, running away (divorce or not) would be a good thing. "Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness..." is not a good person and doesn't deserve anyone in their life.
The words popping out at me are DECISION and RESPONSIBILITY.
Al-anon taught me to make one decision and oftentimes its a volition. An absolute determination to act on the belief gained in step two. To think and act AFTER contacting God... this is why I believe step two comes right after accepting, "I have no power." and then "able to respond" to Life (or, responsibility.)
By tapping into the One who has all power, it makes no difference who is in my life or isn't. I already have Everything.
I don't know if anyone who's spiritually conscious would "expect" anyone to be unhappy with them. "Misery" is a true sign of separation from HP, projecting outward. The message I get from Al-anon is every human being affected by alcoholism has a higher purpose. Some are meant to grow spiritually by staying, some by leaving, Al-anon clearly says there is no black and white solution for everyone.
We get our "knowing" by attuning to Higher Power. My troubles are never about me and them, always about me and God, God using people as instruments to pull me closer. That is what gives me hope in Al-anon, never making another human relationship "the solution."
thank you for posting, I needed the reminders today ((hugs))
-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 26th of December 2016 08:53:44 PM
I have had multiple conversations about this very subject recently. I think that it's interesting how people do not want to be the "bad guy" and will stay in a miserable situation all because they are to over come by guilt.
I love that quote because through alanon I really learned I'm not responsible for other people's happiness. I don't have to carry any guilt, shame or whatever if someone else doesn't like my choices .. it doesn't mean I get to act like a total douche however I have a right to make a decision and do for me because it's what I want.
Moving to Texas was a big decision that I did not plan out well .. LOL .. we have had some hard times even the kids admit that things are far better than they would have been had we been forced to stay in Illinois. That was something I took for myself. Had I not had Children I would have been here years earlier.
Thanks for sharing because this was something I needed to read tonight other people's pouting is not my issue. Especially when their choices leave them where they are.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
