The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all, and Merry Eve of Christmas Eve! My wish is that you have the best possible holidays and the new year brings some relief from our challenges and greater recovery.
Today, I am trying extremely hard to stay on my side of the street. We are hosting a small gathering of immediate family tomorrow, and the preparation is not overwhelming....yet there is still a lot to be done. We all know that!
My AH is currently watching the 200th re-runs of re-runs of his favorite westerns this afternoon. To be fair, he has helped out in small ways, but I think it is only because he is getting up anyway to go to the garage to nip. Funny, yet not. I have not said anything about his apparent nipping....I refuse to engage in a nonsensical conversation that will lead nowhere anyway. So, in that respect, I am just doing what I need to do without too much resentment. I had already not set my expectations that he would do a lot. I am actually OK with it.
My resentment that I am biting my tongue to shreds over is that our driveway is a real mess. Last week when the snow and ice were rather slushy, he kept saying he was going to shovel up what the plow had left behind. He kept making excuses and didn't go out to do it. All week the temp has been around freezing, so the large ruts, dips and peaks have not melted and it is rather risky trying to walk on it. My mother is coming over tomorrow and she is 90. So, this morning he kept talking about going out there today because it is going up to 40 degrees and will be easier to shovel. It is now almost 3:00 and he said he was going out at noon. Then one. Then two. According to him, it still isn't warm enough. Uh huh. OK. I haven't said a word. By the time he gets his ass out there, the sun will be down and it will freeze again. I am not saying anything. He can help just about carry my mother out of the car tomorrow. I am not peaceful or serene about this, but he has already mentioned he is concerned about my mother, so he knows it needs to be done.
I have been backing off a lot lately and have been pretty calm about it. Today I have been saying the serenity prayer like it is made of the only words I know! HaHa.
Happiest of Holidays to all of you I have never met, but feel like family to me!
(((Ellen))) - my experience and how things work out in my world.....I cleaned the heck outa my home last week to host a family gathering Sunday. My front door faces North and we to got ice, snow and super, duper cold weather.
My dad and my AH decided Sunday morning that my drive and the sidewalk were too dangerous for attendees so....they re-routed everyone to part at the lower driveway/garage, and come in 'that way'.....I did not clean the flipping basement or lower garage - I didn't think anyone would be there!!!
When I heard their decision, a part of me wanted to panic and react that a decision was made without me. Instead, I just said that sounds fine and walked away. I had no control over the darn weather, or the conditions of temperature, side-walk, driveway, etc. I also got a nudge from above that others seriously will not judge 'me' based on a mess in a garage and/or basement.
I am so often my own worst enemy yet when I can breathe and pause, I'm often reminded that it really is OK and it really will be just fine - no matter how my mind wants to see it, process it, project about it or worry.
My hope is you and yours also have a lovely holiday weekend! Merry Christmas to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think this also is on the Let go and Let God list with more care with your Mom. I just slipped and went down for the 3 time this week in the back of my property because we have been having the worlds share of rain in the last month and a half. The lawns are spongy and my wife buried the front of the van yesterday and we had to call a tow to get it out. She chose not to come up the drive way and parked on the spongy lawn. I handle the slips and falls and the fixing the ruts in the lawn with choice profanity and then its over. HP knows all of the profanity and hasn't up to now complained rather had left me with a lesson from the past about feeling peace which is cool because that is part of our recovery. Its all good!! ((((hugs)))) I don't grumble at the instructions of my wife.
Thank you, IAH and Betty! I hope you ladies and families get and feel better very soon!
IAH, your story made me chuckle, as I think we can all relate to the irony of the situation. Good for you for just shrugging and going with the flow. Your folks just needed to pass through it, not live in it. I hope you are having a very nice visit!
Ahhh....the holiday anxiety did hit me today and I am over it. Hubby did go out and do the best he could with the driveway.....at least to have one safe path to walk from driveway to house and that is all that matters. Although I really was concerned about my mom, if I am to be honest with myself, I was more aggravated that AH is sneaking his consumption while claiming he just has a few beers during the day. He isn't fooling anyone, really, and I am frustrated that I can't / won't call him on it! However, I KNOW it doesn't do a lick of good. Progress, not perfection.
Thank you, Jerry. Yes, another Let Go and Let God lesson for me. So sorry to hear about your rain, lawn and van! You are right again - it's all good! ((( Hugs )))
I don't grumble at the instructions of my wife. 