Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Newcomer
Post Info TOPIC: Newcomer
Shiba419


Newbie

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Posts: 1
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Hello all... this is my first time on here. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last week. It was great. My husband is an alcoholic and I have never had to deal with alcoholism in my family before so this is all new to me. I have been with my husband for 5 years and married for 9 months. I was hoping and praying for things to change and they have only gotten worse. I'm having a hard time not reacting or not getting mad/hurt/upset. He was sober for a week And tonight he stopped his sober streak. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been really trying to separate the person from the alcoholism but it's been hard I am praying for guidance! If anyone has some advice for how to deal with an alcoholic or to live my life without worrying please fill me in. Thanks for listening! 



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el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5075
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Im glad you found Alanon, it was at meetings I got the help I needed to recover from the effects of the disease of alcoholism.

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Enigmatic


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome Shiba, so, so glad you are here! Sounds like you are on the best track you can be in attending AlAnon meetings and reaching out to others in the fellowship...don't stop!

When I found AlAnon I was emotionally and mentally worn down, frustrated, resentful and hopeless. I found so much wisdom in AlAnon that helped me turn the focus on what I could do to improve my situation, along with simple but effective tools that worked every time to help me keep my sanity.

I found great help by reading daily from the daily readers in between meetings: Courage to Change, One Day at a Time, and Hope for Today, along with other books from AlAnon Family Groups.

Glad to hear from you, keep up the good work and look forward to hearing more from you

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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Welcome to MIP Shiba - glad you found us and glad that you joined right in. So glad also that you've found Al-Anon meetings. I'm like Paul above me - I was worn out, defeated, hopeless and sad/angry all the time. My thoughts, days, actions, life were all consumed with obsessing over the Qualifier(s) as well as projecting what was going to happen next.

The first couple of principles that really helped me was One Day at a Time as well as Let Go and Let God. I did not detach with love in the beginning, instead I bit my tongue, stuffed my thoughts/emotions and just kept my mouth shut. As soon as I stopped showing a reaction, things began to change. They did get worse for a while and then over time, I got better and so did my perception of people, places and things. I detached with indifference while attending meetings, working the program and reading the literature/practicing all the while various program suggestions.

I am sorry for the affect the disease is having on you. As the disease is progressive, most alcoholics can not or will not stay sober without a commitment to recovery. There is no cure, only abstinence and a daily commitment to avoid that first drink. The best news I heard in Al-Anon was I was welcome always whether my qualifier was active in the disease or active in recovery.

Go to as many meetings as you can and keep coming back here - there is tons of help and hope in recovery!! (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Jazzie18


Senior Member

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Posts: 339
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Kudos to you for going to a face to face meeting. Welcome and you will find a lot of ESH here on the boards and in meetings. We aren't supposed to give advice in al-anon but share our own experiences. I too found al-anon when my husband was in throws of his disease. I found it very hard to detach and not get mad at him for drinking/lying when he was active. I thank god for finally reaching my bottom and going to my first face-to-face meeting. I was able to get out of the way of his disease and it really did get worse very fast. He finally couldn't deny that he didn't have a problem about a 1.5 years ago and finally sought help. The readings and literature really helped. Some books that I found helpful were the daily readers, How Alanon Works and How to Live with an Alcoholic. There is also a podcast I listen to therecoveryshow.com which has episodes about everything. It is like a mini face-to-face meeting if you can't make one. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Just know that you are not alone.

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