The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My father (The Alcoholic) invited me over for dinner on xmas day. I said sure, no problem. I'm somewhat looking forward to it but at the same time, I am completely dreading it. I know it will likely be the last one in that house and he prepares to sell it in the spring and blows any and all profit he gets out of it, not caring at all about helping his family. He hasn't worked in months and will likely 'retire' at the age of 59.... where he goes from here is anyone's guess.
My sibling was at his house today and said that he looks absolutely horrible. His hair is all grey now, he hasn't cut it in awhile, his skin is pale, he is red on his nose and around his eyes. He was sober today which is nice but it just hurts so much to see him like this.
I feel like crying but I really only feel really numb......I don't know what to do. I have decided to start going to face to face meetings in my area starting in the new year.....Right now, they are all having their gratitude meetings and I'd like to have meetings in the regular format and start fresh.....I have been acting out a lot lately and I really feel it is because of this.
I am going to play some hockey later tonight with some friends.....I need to de-stress given day-to-day 'life' hahaha.
So sorry to read this. Powerlessness sucks and i say that with a relapsed alcoholic mother. I salute your strength in seeing him for christmas and still being a present and loving child. I do not see mine: i simply can't look. I hope you manage sone lovely moments where ever they come.
This is indeed a dreadful disease over which we are powerless. Going to Christmas dinner, and bringing all your tools of staying in the moment will help you to form a positive Holiday memory that you can call on in the future.
(((Jim))) - I hear you and you are not alone. Watching those we love spiral with this disease has been so very, very hard. For me, I lean towards peace when I am reminded that there are so many things that I am powerless over, but HE is not. I have a sponsor who kindly, gently and simply suggests to me that I am never at a loss as to what I can do - the power of prayer for God's will is always an option.
My mother and youngest son are currently active in the disease. I threw a party yesterday for my father's family and my mother decided she had to go see her sister. My father drove her over in sub-zero temperatures with dangerous black ice all over the roads in my car just so she could drink. I do not buy alcohol and it's not allowed in my home. I had made an exception for yesterday and just told everyone BYOB. Guess what? Not a single person brought alcohol and nobody seemed to mind!!! I did not even realize this until all had left. My father had to return to pick her up and she was feeling no pain. The old me would have made excuses or ridiculed her while she was out to explain/justify her choices. Ironically, nobody really asked and we had a lovely, lovely day!
The holidays seem to ignite my old fantasy of a Normal Rockwell dream family that never was and would never be even without this darn disease. Add to that the fuel of stress, the disease in so many and my own insecurities and it's a recipe for major emotional relapse. My best tool at this time is just one moment at a time, one day at a time.
Good on you for having a plan to return to meetings and some physical fun. Keep making plans that align with your wants/needs and be gentle with you. I'm a sentimental person about so many things, it was difficult to say Good-bye to my childhood home when that time arrived. I did make it through and did my best to search out the happy times and good memories. Because of Al-Anon, they are now more often than not the ones I recall when I ponder the past.
Keep coming back - we hear you and you are not alone!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hugs slim .. I'm so glad to hear that you are making the decision for you to attend meetings. It really does make a difference!! Keep doing what you are doing! Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Go hand in hand and arm on arm with your HP Jim...you will be visiting a child of God just like yourself and can use the example of "God" love which is unconditional and for which I am extremely grateful. Give him an Aloha hug from Hilo. ((((Hugs))))
