The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c speaks of the concept of praying for those that we resent. The writer identifies that this was at first difficult because they were praying for their qualifiers to change. When they instead chose to pray for new perspectives, insight into how to change their own part in the situations, and basically for all of the gifts that the serenity prayer embodies, they found it to be a very valuable tool and they were then able to pray that their qualifier also receive those gifts.
The reading suggests that resentments are ways to keep ourselves locked in victimhood, and that we can love ourselves enough to release ourselves from bondage to them.
"If we want to stop the vicious cycle of unhappiness, we must learn new ways of living, new ways of relating to each other". (How Can I help My Children?)
***
I can certainly relate to the idea that as I worked to free myself from resentments, my need and desire for others to change became less and less and was replaced with acceptance and a genuine desire for them to find "whatever is best for them" rather than 'whatever I wanted for them". That's a much more comfortable place to be, and as an added bonus, I have found that when I stop being invested in needing other people to change and instead gift myself with acceptance of their autonomy, I am actually able to start enjoying and appreciating their good qualities instead of being soley focused on what I perceive to be 'bad". My relationships with, and my ability to enjoy my qualifiers for all of the lovely positive qualities that they do have has been one of the very great gifts of this program, to me.
Good Morning Ms.M. I know that prior to program I always prayed for others to change and do right by me and when that did not happen I abandoned any belief in God and went on my own.That was even more difficult and brought me to my bottom and Al-Anon quicker.
The program suggests "changed attitudes, aid recovery" and my attitudes needed an overhaul in many areas!!!! Belief in a higher power and how to pray was one of them.
I finally accepted I could pray that I change and for the ability to accept others for who they were without judgment or blame. That was a monumental task, but day by day, moment by moment, I learned to keep the focus on myself, examine my motives, stop reacting and respond, validating myself without judging and blaming others. This is a true gift of program and one that developed over time. I do believe speaking at meetings and with the sponsor helped along the way.
Today when I'm in any situation. I pray for courage serenity and wisdom for myself and others because I know that that is all that is needed in order to face life on life's terms.
Thanks for your service and I hope you have a lovely day .
