The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son is a drug addict. When I type those words my stomach just drops. I know this is Al-Anon but was told that drug addict families are welcome here. Christmas is coming and I am having a hard time believing that this will be the first Christmas in 21 years that I won't be with my son. I don't know where he is and have not had any contact with him in a couple months except for emails asking to leave his belongings out by the garage so he could pick them up. That was an awful day. I didn't see him and I think it was God's doing. I prayed about whether I should make myself available or not. He came during the day when I was at work. I guess that was a pray answered. I am working very hard to accept this reality and that life will no longer be what it was. He will never be who he was and that breaks my heart. He was the most caring, loving young man. He was raised with good morals, making good choices etc. He went off to college and that is where it went south. He flunked out and is now with a young lady that is on probation for theft. I try to take one day at a time but I find myself looking ahead to Christmas and dreading it. I love going to Christmas mass but don't think I can do it. Every time I step foot in the church and the music starts the tears starting flowing. I hate feeling like I am making a scene. I just want the holidays over and hopefully 2017 will be a better year.
My wife is my qualifier, but I have a 16 year old son, and I would cry my eyes out if i weren't able to have Christmas with him. This is so very hard, and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Have you been to an Al Anon meeting? Attendance usually picks up during the holidays because of precisely your situation. There will be lots of other people there who can sympathize and help give you the tools to deal with what is going on.
We have online meetings also, click above and you can see what times they are.
Also, there are plenty of people here on this forum who can help. Just keep coming back.
Hi Beth Welcome I completely understand your sadness and pain as I have experienced the sorrow of a child that used alcohol to his downfall. I support all that Kenny has suggested and would like to add that attending alanon face to face meeting and Church Services (Even if I cried) help me to heal.
Welcome to this board. I to understand the pain of watching a child self destruct. Holidays were particularly difficult as I held a picture in my head of what it was supposed to be like and my reality was far from that. My child too had been raised in a loving home with good values and morals and is very much loved. The disease of addiction stole her anyways and turned her into a person we hardly recognized. Last Christmas she was in treatment, this Christmas she is clean and sober and working a 12 step program . A lot can change in a year. I remember not to long ago that I felt like nothing was ever going to change and felt quite hopeless. My own recovery has been slow but steady as well. It is a process, but slowly I have been able to get to a place where I accept that I am only responsible for my life and that's it. I did my job as a parent and the rest is up to her. Please take care of you and remember that your son is not alone he has his own higher power who is with him. My prayers to you and your son.
Aloha Elizabeth and welcome to the MIP family and the Al-Anon Family Groups. It is sad to hear yet another share about the disease and the young. It sickened me to travel 2600 miles to spend time with my children and to be offered a beer and a "toke" by my eldest son at 16. He is now 50 and just went back out (relapsed) after years of being "dry" which isn't being sober. He destroyed his family going out this time and the only picture of me he gets when he comes over is of a sober father and recovering step mothers with over 60 years of program together. We don't preach or demand we just act out recovery for ourselves.
The first step always has said to us "We admitted we were (are) powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable". That hasn't changed for all of us in recovery and it keeps us in place offering a Power Greater than ourselves the lead. For us that is a God of our understanding which restores us to sanity.
I suggest if you haven't already...going to the white pages of your local telephone book and find the hotline number for Al-Anon. Call that number and find out where and when we get together in your area and come out as soon as you can to learn what we have.
I too send welcomes to you Beth - glad you found us at MIP and glad that you joined in. 2 of my qualifiers are my sons - I fully can relate to what you shared. All of it - I too felt extreme grief that the lovely little boys I raised and that had great hearts became sick with this disease. It took me a long while of my own craziness to realize there was not a darn thing I could do to redirect them, their path and/or their choices...
I am so grateful that Al-Anon was suggested to me. In the program, working on my own recovery, I came to believe in a higher power who doesn't have grandchildren and who knows better than I what their journey should look like. I so wanted to lead them away from danger, addiction, etc. and that was just not my calling. I can say that it gets better with time and effort in recovery.
My outlook now is that I do not know what they future holds, and that's OK. I can support them as a parent of adult children who are making different choices than I desire. I can allow them the dignity of their mistakes and I can pray for them to be safe.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The beginning is always the hardest because we have to embrace the notion that we are powerless over people, places and things. We simply cannot control the behavior of those around us and our insanity is in trying to do just that over and over again. We can only help others by helping ourselves and becoming an example of a lifestyle that others may see and desire. That is what is meant when we say AL-Anon is a program of attraction, not promotion. One of the hardest principles of the program is detachment, letting go of the need to control others and learning to simply accept them for who and what they are. We all have a higher power to guide our lives, and just as you have your own higher power to watch over you, your son has his own higher power to take care of him. You have done all you can do for Tanner, and as frustrating and heartbreaking as it may seem, letting go and focusing on taking care of you may be the solution you are looking for. Al-Anon helps us understand all this and more. My crisis that humbled me and got me into Al-Anon two years ago was the breakup of my marriage. I tried everything I could to save it until on day I realized it was beyond my power to save and that I needed to let go and let God, my higher power, guide me to where I needed to be instead of where I wanted to be. I understood Steps 1, 2 and 3 in that moment of spiritual awakening. I was powerless over people, places and things, God could handle it for me, and I made the decision to let Him. It was the best decision I ever made and came as the result of going to several Al-Anon meetings every week, reading the literature, getting a sponsor, and talking to my fellow Al-Anon members. Slowly the fog lifted, the pain receded, and my life got better. The best thing you can do for Tanner is to take care of you. Your higher power will take care of the rest. There are miracles in this program. Keep coming back. It works.
welcome to you and i am so sorry for this incredibly painful time. you are in the right place and i hope you can go to local meetings as you will find people who truly understand there and you can build a support group for yourself - you deserve that. you are not alone.
Welcome to MIP Chuck - glad you found us and joined right in! Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
