My first sponsor was someone I wanted to emulate.  I didn't know her very well on a personal level.  I just always saw her smiling in the rooms, and she talked the talk and seemed to walk the walk.  I called her a lot, and looking back, I realize she was just a little to involved in what she 'wanted' me to do in my life.  She stopped returning my calls and quit going to the meeting I attended.  As a newcomer, I felt like I had done something wrong.  9 years later, I realize she wasn't having her needs met.  A sponsee that did everything she was told.  And I wasn't ready for that kind of sponsor.

The next sponsor I didn't get for over a year.  Finally, I knew I needed one again, and I had been friendly with someone since the beginning.  She had been the one to suggest I set up, clean up, chair and speak.  She had already led me in a quiet but firm way.  I asked her to sponsor me, and she took a moment to hang up the phone, pray, and call me back.  She was my sponsor until her life became unmanageable and she didn't even work her own program.  I had to let her go, she was draining the program out of me and trying to use me as a sponsor.

My third sponsor was also someone I had been friendly with for several years.  I called her nearly every day before I even asked her to sponsor me.  She is still my sponsor today.  She is the only one who really worked the steps with me, and let me baby step thru them.  I call her every day now, unless I am really busy.  She doesn't expect me to do anything.  Its my program.  But, if I am doing something that is causing me to slip, she lets me know.  I see her as a kind and gentle guiding hand. 

I sponsor a few people right now.  Some are working it, some I really don't even consider sponsee's right now because they never call, or even email, and they don't work the steps, attend workshops or weekends, or even meetings regularly.  They seem to want to 'take what they 'like' or what fits their life an 'leave the rest.'  And right now its working for them because there is NO chaos (active a's)in their lives.  They are the ones that will come running back full force when life hits another bad turn.  I will then ask them if the way they were working it was working for them?  And ask them if they are ready to work the program the right way and not just talk the talk.  I have my sponsees read the sections in How al-anon works on sponsorship.  I then ask them what they would like from sponsorship.  Most of the time they want what I have and are quite willing at least in the beginning to do what I did to get it.  Then there are others like the ones mentioned above.  We all have to find our rhythm and we have to let others march to theirs too.  I get my sponsees on the steps as soon as I can, and listen closely to what they are sharing at the meetings and when they call me so I know where they need to be. (on the steps that is).  I hope you got something from this.  I certainly did !

Hugs

Aly