The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After husbands overdose Sunday night, he went to therapy today. Claims he was gonna come clean with his therapist. Ended up coming home and telling me he had a good session. Then informed me that he's been lying to me too. Even after I found him with pain pills in August he said he had quit. Nope. Still been using-still been lying. Sundays overdose wasn't a relapse-it was just an accidental overdose.
I sat quietly and listened with no response but god it's hard to hear. I realize the disease will make him lie no matter what and it's not about me, but I don't know if I will ever trust him again.
Thanks hotrod. Always a quick response. My usual meeting is on Sunday. And with husband attempting his 90 meetings in 90 days (or so he says) I have to be home with our toddler most nights.
Thanks hotrod. Always a quick response. My usual meeting is on Sunday. And with husband attempting his 90 meetings in 90 days (or so he says) I have to be home with our toddler most nights.
Lying.seems to be very much part of the disease. I cannot believe sometimes the denial the addict lives in. My own sister has been an alcoholic for decades. Everything in her life is great according to her. She believes she is a really happy same person.
It is hard to find much logic in it. I do love my sister from afar. I can see how alcohol was her way of coping and I can also see how the disease claimed her right away.
You could not find a more enabling family than my own. Having children slowed her down a bit. She drank at home rather than in bars
It is truly a miracle she is still alive.
I resented her deeply for years. I have been angry at her denial and lies but these days I just love her. Of course it is easier to love her because I don't deal with her. I also don't deal with the collateral damage to get dusease, her children
I just see it all as the disease these days. The disease that took over every aspect of her life and will surely kill her.
Trust is kniwing that is absolutely inevitable. There is nothing I can do but pray and forgive her.
Maresie25
Why is it hard to hear? Im wondering what is the reason we struggle with another human beings choices? For me, I let my sons choices effect my mood and i worry and when i really think about it im mostly worrying about me, the impact his drinking will have on me and my life. Yet im in charge of what impacts my life so really im fearful of not having the courage to do whats right for myself, so I get uneasy because I drift with the currents and his disease is in control.
Even though im working my program and Ive learned that his disease is his 100 percent and this should include all consequences. My life and my happiness or peace of mind has nothing to do with anyone else. Its not an easy way to view things Im stil working on it.
My heart goes out to you and your family, Prissykitty. I know for me, I so much want the truth, but then once I hear it, the game can change and I'm confronted with a reality I may not like. EL-cee's comment about not having the courage to do what's right really resonates with me this morning. If I'm not quite sure what's really happening, I get to stay in a state of hopefulness that my instincts are actually wrong (though we al-anons have finely honed instincts that we can trust, I believe). If I face the truth, the ball is in my court. But, I know I can take thoughtful, reasoned action WHEN I'M READY and not in reaction to the latest horror, indignity, shock or whatever.
I became a single mom when my daughter was 11 mos old. My H moved out to teach me a lesson. I was never ready for him to come back. I was taking care of the house, our daughter, paying the bills and working, yet I didn't trust that I could do it by myself. I heard someone share about lack of self-trust in a F2F meeting, and the light came on. After we separated, I kept doing it all myself, but without the drama and stress of my H, who was incapable of being a partner. Wasn't easy. Made a lot of mistakes. But I was a better parent without him.
(((Prissykitty))) - Huge hugs to you. Great ESH above me. I too am sending you thoughts and prayers. I also understand having children to take care of. In my city, there are some meetings with daycare - may exist in yours too. I believe enough in the power of meetings and recovery that I would hire a sitter to go if you can - 90 in 90 doesn't just apply to the AA side....we always encourage folks to get to as many meetings as possible.
I am also sending you thoughts and prayers. Know that we're here as best we can be for you...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Appreciate your esh on this El-cee that has been a hard truth for myself as well. Fearful of not having the courage to do what is right for myself and allowing my AD's disease to be in control. Its a process getting there that is for sure.
I know how you feel. Recently I've learned my ABF is using pills and possibly cocaine (not sure what else would be called "powder"). Hard to hear him brag about how well he's doing with drinking when I know he's getting high other ways. He doesn't know that I know. And I don't press because I know he wouldn't take it well. Just keep carrying it with me.
^^^ I'm so sorry you're going through this too. Although I know it's the disease that drives the lies it still hurts. I'm a very trusting person and usually feel that i listen to my gut very well. Feel so crazy that I missed his lies somehow. Live and learn. He says he's been to an aa meeting everyday this week but really, who knows?
