The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for December 11 talks about our fantasies, which often includes having a great deal of money. The reading asks the question will all our problems go away if we had all the money in the world? Would money resolve the effects of alcoholism on our families, or make the drinker stop drinking? The reading then points out that what we really want is to have the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.
After practicing the program for a while we find that serenity is available to us free of charge by simply attending Al-Anon meetings and applying the principles that we learn. Money will not by serenity. In fact it probably brings a whole host of problem with it. If we rely on higher ourselves with every problem that comes along today we will do well. Remembering that serenity is always available to us, but it is our job to seek it where it can be found.
The quote is from As We Understood; "I now try to take my problems to my Higher Power, but I leave the solutions and the timetable up to him."
Today that is a given- When I first entered program I wanted answers now and on my terms It took much prayer, and meetings and Step work to arrive at" acceptance of life on HP's term " and not mine.. Program is indeed a process and progress not perfection is an important principle
I remember when I thought, felt and believed that money was the Highest of Powers in life...again I was wrong. Was telling a couple of members yesterday that I rarely carry money now as I rarely have the need. HP seems to take care of all of my needs today and I don't "want" for much.
14 years ago my dad found sobriety. That was the day he died. Seems sad. And I was angry for three or four years later, especially after i opened his will.
But that is history now. The full reality of the state of the family hit me when dad died.
Me and my wife and kids lost our home. Everything went belly up. We had to shift to town. We had supported dad in his own home for years- and he chose to favour others in his will. No gratitude at all.
I resolved to make up what i lost, and I have done this. I had to work very hard- and learn to be smart at the same time.
A fair chunk of dad's inheritance handed over to another family member ended up in the casino. That hurt badly. Its easy to play favourites when our rellies are old and decrepit.
But my fantasy is about power and prestige, not money. I wanted to appear on Oprah. Then when a breakthrough happened I wanted to appear on Oprah with another person. I followed the lives and teachings of two people who actually had appeared on Oprah. And that did not do me any harm.
The thing is, really, I didn't ever have anyone to share my hopes and dreams with. I did want this fantasy family, like The Waltons. Where dreams and ambitions were realised.
Recently we bought a caravan. It needed a customised towball. So it's still sitting in the yard. This weekend youngest daughter came over and camoed at the back of the house. And we caravaned at the side of the house.
Our neighbours over the road had sold up. They had a garage sale. Took the kids over and got a whole heap of dressing up stuff and 1980's toys which they had a ball with.
Took my grand-daughter aged 7 out for her first fishing lesson... next time she can bring her first rod... so she can practise and i can fish. Girls can do anything these days [And men push prams!]
Some times we expect to admit all the smut and the smog in our lives- in steps 4 and five. But why not also talk about our hopes and dreams! Hey! ,,,
There was a time in my 'career' where I was homeless, and chasing food and shelter each day. I was happy if I got one meal a day and broke into homes to take showers....it was as a result of my disease and it was difficult, painful and worthy of not repeating...
As I got recovery, I became employable (I was not a good employee while active). As I worked in jobs, I got money. As I excelled in jobs, I got promotions and got more money. After my debts were paid off and I had disposable income, I truly thought --- now I'll be happy, I've got more coming in than going out.
Well - as time went on, I bought homes, cars, toys, rinse and repeat. I even went through phases where I tried to 'keep up with the Jones' as money, objects and income were all part of the definition of success from my FOO. Needless to say, my mind and my life were far more stressful and disrupted when I had means than when I did not. I have often said that I had way less stress when I had no money than when I had money and believe it to be so.
I showered my boys with all kinds of gifts and activities that I was not given as a child - my attempt to be a better parent. I also dreamed that if I kept them happy (with things) and busy (with activities) that they would not be infected with the disease. God decided I had a lesson to learn and showed me the true power in this disease by granting it to both of them. No amount of money, love, caring, coaching, recovery in me, etc. could stop the freight train of this disease from speeding down the track. I would gladly have given away all my possessions and my money/income to cure this disease in my boys - what an ego I had!!!
Today I fully understand that success for me is how I am, not what I have. It's about how I respond not how I react. It's about keeping an open mind, and listening with my heart. It's about trusting my HP to lead me to the next step of learning. I too rarely have $$ with me - I would rather spend time on a FREE walk with God than get my hair, nails/other done and I certainly believe the best parts of my day are 100% free - prayer, meditation, meetings, fellowship, group texting with friends, etc. For me, success is about living my life the right way and I am grateful our program has given me the tools to do so.
Thanks Betty and all for your ESH. Thank you Betty for your service and the daily! Happy Sunday to one and all - my team is not playing today....I am going to have to find another game to watch...(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
,,,