The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why do I constantly try and change these drama addicts? Like I tried to change the alcoholic.....I was doing so well for about 2.5 years...(yay!) living peacefully, in a good place, maintaining boundaries, making friends, staying active... then I started getting closer to an individual who is very clearly a drama addict.
I could sense it..he was exactly like the drama addicts I would surround myself with when living with the alcoholic... I could see myself acting out....I could feel me getting real with this group, sarcastic, snippy,..becoming a guy I don't like...I knew this, yet I kept doing it. Part of me figured it was a cry for help. I wanted s***t to hit the fan....I wanted an out! I think I might have it.
At the same time.... Part of me wonders,did I start this? Am I the drama addict? Everything was fine until the group chat got bigger and bigger......everyone craving attention...I tried to participate, it wasn't for my personality. Attempts at humor failed.....live and learn. I immediately removed myself from the situation so things did not escalate.
I will go back to face the music, own what I said.....make any amends necessary and re-start with new knowledge.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 5th of December 2016 09:58:11 PM
Hi SJ Sounds as if you have a great awareness and acceptance of the situation. Good work. I find that I have to look for the lesson to be learned and then simply move forward.
Been there and done that myself Jim and hated it also. I took it along with a lot of other stuff to my sponsor who taught me a powerful one word tool when I found myself caught up in it again....STOP!!!! And today that is the simplest tool in my tool box...I have even said it out loud on occasions of need not caring who else heard it.
Do your program brother change the things you can. (((hugs)))
What I learnt to step back, keep my mouth closed and mind my own business, I started to find a lot of peace and pleasure in my life. My al-anon program taught me these things
I was brought up in a home of As, dysfunction and insanity where it was entirely usual for everyone to get involved in everyone elses business.
Thankfully I know I don't have to do that anymore.
Great topic and great processing.....I will admit that back before recovery, gossip was cool, fun and a great tool to feed my denial. So long as I was focused on the 'crazier' or 'dumber' than I people, I never had to look at me or my part. It's easier to find superficial drama-loving people in our world as it's taught from early on. In my FOO, we were constantly compared to one another and that created a 'hostile environment'. The pressure for me as the youngest and the only girl was way more than I could ever accept, therefore I bucked the entire system, became the black sheep and became rebellion - filled with self-will and very distorted thinking/acting.
I didn't know what 'loving interchange' meant until I got to recovery. I didn't know that my HP was a loving creator who knew all and forgave all until I got to recovery. I did not understand what serenity was until I got to recovery. Recovery showed me that we are all imperfect people living in an imperfect world doing what we can to get through each day. I now fully understand that gossip, denial and the incessant need to talk about others - good or bad - is an illness unto itself.
Your very first post had many elements I could relate to - I'd much rather have a few great friends that are healthy and like-minded than a larger set of 'friends'. My spiritual program has benefited greatly by hanging with the winners in recovery and in life!
You got this - lean into your program and let go. HP will handle it and I truly have found that staying out of the fray is a much better life position for me!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I had to get tough with some relatives during this election cycle. I found I was being "baited" by what they said. No, it was not directed to me, but I caught the hook anyway. I had to stop following my sister and my niece on social media..... and I found my life is so much calmer. I don't miss it at all. I still follow others of their families, so I will hear news if it is important. But I don't sit and think and ruminate and obsess over what I "should" say back to them.
I purposely got off social media for many reasons outlined previous....I really can't stand the neediness some people have when they have a crowd.....this was a contained incident in a chat app but along the same lines.....after one person got angry I immediately excused myself....even as I tell the manipulator that i'm ok to leave the situation and move on, he retorts "oh, you're OK with leaving things as they are?...." so I comply to get him off my back. When I try to explain, he looks at me confused as though I am the crazy one...
I am so done with this guy.
