The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I know an alcoholic is an addict. An addict is an addict. But, I've come to learn my A is not just an alcoholic, but also likes pills. He will tell me he's going to get weed, but I have suspicions that it's more than that. I have found text messages about pills, Facebook messages, and most recently he told me that he was going to get weed. He came back and asked me if I had a straw and said his tooth was bothering him. I thought no more of it and took the dogs out. He went upstairs and was up there for a bit. I thought nothing of it. When I went up to use the bathroom I noticed a gift card of mine in the back of the toilet. I looked it all over and noticed a white spot on the side of
it. I asked him what he was doing with it and he said "oh a pen broke when I was writing down info and I used that to scrape up the ink residue." I thought no more of it. Then yesterday I went into my computer room and there was the shell of a pen broken in half. There was white stuff on the tip of one end and I tasted it. Tasted like crushed pill. I also noticed he had been into the liquor. I say this because I discretely marked the bottle and noticed it was down some. I don't drink it and neither does anyone else but my brother. When he came home yesterday he relentlessly asked
Me what was wrong. So I told him. He said I was crazy about the crushed pill thing. That he doesn't have money for that crap anyway. But the liquor thing really pissed him off and he started getting all his stuff and went back to his apartment. I immediately start apologizing and rationalizing why I would come to those conclusions. He said he wasn't mad, just tired of being accused. Admitted he drank some liquor, but not the one I asked about.
He's seemed distant since then. Fast forward to this morning when I go to his apartment. I look in his drawer for chapstick and find a cut straw. I didn't even say anything.
I struggle with this because he's a mean drunk, so that's why I don't like him drinking. But, I don't even notice when he's on pills. However, I still don't like it. It's not affecting my life, but I don't like that he does it and sneaks things. I'm not sure if he does it because he thinks I will flip if he tells me or if he gets a thrill from sneaking.
My experience with my A is there was more than one addiction his was prescription drugs .. ok a dr gives those to you however I kept mentioning to the dr that my XAH has an alcohol issue and they needed to be aware of that when prescribing pills. So the short answer to your question .. yes .. A's can have more than one addiction. They lie because they are addicts and they need to feed their disease. The actual addiction/s is only the tip of the iceberg.
I don't know if you are attending face to face meetings or not .. I highly recommend the book Getting Them Sober .. don't let the title fool you .. lol .. it's really about the loved ones not the addict. Reality is .. he's going to drink, drug, porn, food, work, (fill in the blank) to excess or not .. the bigger question always comes back to what are YOU going to do? There is light at the end of the tunnel .. those addictions are about them and no one else. If they are active and their lips are moving .. they are lying .. my X is supposedly not drinking however I will lay odds he is doing something because his behavior has not changed so he's one drink away from a drunk and it will happen .. it's a matter of when. For me leaving was the right answer .. the kids were scared of me and I was completely out of control, yet he was the addict. I had to distance myself to gain perspective and understanding of many different things.
So whatever you do .. please take care of you.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
In my experience, my late AH also tended to "overdo" other things, including perfectly legal and "harmless" things like aspirin. He didn't start hiding alcohol until I'd really made the point that I couldn't be around it. The hiding and rationalizing was just the disease protecting itself. When I went looking or accidentally found evidence ... I felt so angry, deceived, fooled. I now realize I was just making a fool of myself by trying to control something I could never control.
One thing I came to realize, when he would act annoyed with me about a drinking issue ... he was really angry at himself, just expressing it at me.
I hear you saying that the drinking/using is not affecting your life, but also that he is a mean drunk and that you don't like his behavior of hiding and sneaking. In my experience, living with those kinds of things that I didn't like and that made me uncomfortable ... eventually little by little my life became intolerable. The stress on me was tremendous, and it's a miracle I didn't get physically sick from it. I did get mentally/spiritually sick.
Al-anon meetings and working the steps have helped me get my sanity back.
Actually Madow it is affecting your life just as it is affecting ours. As long as I am in recovery I admit that my life is and has been affected by someone else's drinking and using. I was born into not knowing we had the disease of drug addiction and alcoholism so I had to be taught where all of my insanity and anger and rage and etc...was coming from. Alcoholism and drug addictions kill more people than anything else and the reason you are here is because you have also been affected. We are glad you are here and you are welcomed to everything we have learned that keeps us sane and sober serene too. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Addiction is addiction is addiction. Cross substances is not unusual. The mind of one with addictive tendencies suggests if one is recommended, 3 is awesome. There is no rational thoughts put forth when the disease is active. He may be hiding it (badly) from you or he may get a thrill from the stealth (badly) practice....
It really doesn't matter why he's doing what he's doing - if it affects you in any way, it's time to use your program to find peace for you. We are powerless over other people, places and things (this for me includes all their actions) and can only control our own actions/reactions. Trying to understand why any other person does what they do is counter-productive for me as my mind goes wildly tangent in many directions with absolutely no answers after the spin.
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I recently had someone explain cross addiction to me like this: My drug of choice is ___________ but I am in recovery and I cant use that. So, if I have (Option B) available, I will use that. It's not my preference but it will hold me over until I can use my drug of choice. Anybody can eat worms and survive until they can get a hold of a nice juicy steak. (My apologies to any vegans)
In my husbands first few attempts at sobriety, ironically, he always fell down tore his meniscus and required knee surgery 21 days in. After surgery they always prescribed Vicodin. Just his rotten luck? Hmmm After a few runs through this jughandle I realized he must have thought I had been born last night. Thankfully, he soon realized he only had two medial meniscuses lol.
My son practices this change up routine pretty faithfully. His drug of choice is heroin. But he will abuse weed and alcohol when he cant get heroin. Or vice versa depending upon what he is on probation for.
I agree addiction is addiction is addiction. The center in the brain that controls that really doesn't give a crap what the substance is as long as it gets fed.
I learned that the disease is there whether drink drugs any of it. The disease is where the person has a hole inside them and they seek to fill the hole with anything really. Alcohol drugs food exercise. I think we all have that hole to some extent. I look at the alcoholics in my life and I can see so clearly the discomfort the uneasiness with the world. It's sad to see. I look at my son and I know he has self loathing and the drink stops it. Drugs stops it. I believe spirituality sets us free of the hole fills it up with good stuff. The problem is for me it took real loss and pain to get me on the spiritual path and it might be the same for most.
