The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used this board a lot ten years ago & forgot all about it - seems good for me now, as I just can't seem to get to a meeting.
My eyes are swollen, I've cried so hard today, and then was so exhausted, slept...........
upon waking I - deleted my ex of two years ago that I still haven't gotten over and all of his emails, contacts, everything..............repeatedly, I was hurting myself over and over.
Why am I obsessing over him and entertaining fantasies of getting back together? I realize that much like an addict I'm trying to escape pain, and avoid it, while I know I must embrace it.
My current situation is this: my sister is in stage four of her breast cancer and entered hospice 3 weeks ago. She moved in with me 6 weeks ago, as our mother died in June, and they were living together. I've just begun an FMLA leave to care for her........problem is I think I'm just as sick at this stage.
I cannot seem to stop crying. That is so not like me - I am not a crier. probably a lifetimes worth deluge has now opened up.....
I know my acceptance will come through my grief. Nothing like death to teach us about what we can't control.
It is a blessing for me to have this time with her, as hard as it is emotionally. But it is bringing up all the old losses and wounds, as I've lost my brothers (2), and Father also already to addiction/alcoholism. When my sister passes, I will be the last one living from my core family of 6. That will be a major impact I know - to have no core family left. I imagine a reinvention coming, or at least a mid life crisis.
I need to be at home with her, but haven't been to a meeting in a while. With 16 years in Alanon under my belt, I am finding so much comfort in all that I have learned and know - that said, I am in so much pain right now, and I miss the support of those who understand as no others can.
Thank you for listening. I hope to contribute as much as I know I will receive.
can totally idenify with you. I hospice cared my sister[only sib],my mom and dad. The pain,exhaustion is overwhelming especially when u are alone. My experience is to try o get someone to watch her every so often for a few hours so u can nap,take a walk,drive. I went to a local canival and used the shooting gallery to let off steam and went on a ride. it helped. Also hospice has chaplins and therapist available to sit and talk with u. that helped me too. prayers of strength to u from me
alyce
Welcome back AddictedtoLove - great to see you return. So very sorry for the circumstances that bring you back. I was reminded of HALT as I read your post - you gotta be a bit Tired and caring for another person can be isolating(lonely). I can't speak to the HA - but something to consider.
I have never been a good 'griever'. If there were ever a time I was going to dive backwards into the past and get sidetracked with could have, should have, wish I would haves - it's when I loose someone I love. I believe there is a certain amount of reflection that comes with the end of a life, both for them and those who love them...of course, I also believe that God works in mysterious ways so where you are, at this point, on this day, is exactly where you are supposed to be - including returning for to share in ESH.
Please keep coming back and know that you are not alone. As you already know, there is always hope and help in recovery - we just have to take one step at a time, one day at a time.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
