The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Back to Step One. I do not have power over control over his drinking, but it has total control over me.
That stash I found? Yeah...no new bottles, no idea how old it all is, nothing anywhere. It very well could have been his 'clean out' from when he quit (no idea why he wouldn't have actually thrown them away we'll never know).
Such a mess, I am. So, back to refocusing on my wants, needs, and happiness. Time to reread Codependent No More and Getting Them Sober. I know I'm supposed to be gentle with myself, but I can't believe I let the crazy sweep in again.
Spider...remember, if an alcoholic is drinking again it will eventually become obvious so no need to look...as much as being lied to a billion times makes you naturally want to play detective.
Trust me Spider, I feel your pain. I hate that I look every morning to the wet bar to see how much is left, or how much is not left. But, I don't rummage through the recycling bin anymore. I stop my stinking thinking before I go through the rubbish. So progress, not perfection and one day at a time we are moving in the right direction.
It is a horrible disease.
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
It is so easy to get lost in the idea of saving the person that I thought I cared most about, the more perspective I got the more I realized even in my craziness it was never really about him .. it was about me being good enough and in no way was that fair to him.
It sounds like you are exactly where you need to be and in need of an adjustment this is a good thing.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Spider))) - I love that you've shared your next move - back to Step 1. I have come to realize there is never any shame in going back to the start - we are powerless. So often for me, when I think things are spinning out of control, just the effort of reworking 1-3 and more program effort reminds me that I am an imperfect human doing the best I can in the midst of an unimaginable disease with far reaching fingers!
You are doing great - I've been in your shoes and for me, sometimes HP's nudge to the next right thing is subtle and other times not so much. Keep doing you and it will always be OK in the long run!
Thoughts and prayers headed your way!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
