The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spoke to Alcoholic brother yesterday and he's not doing good. He's still in convalescent home and he's not making a lot of sense. He did dial the phone to speak to me. My elderly mother asked and I reported it to her. She feels guilty because she's in a nice assisted living and he's in a not so great rehab because that's where they had room after his discharge from the hospital.
I told her do not feel guilty, this is what you worked for. I am not smart enough to know how much of this is his doing, but he certainly had many opportunities to do something to recover for his alcoholism. You earned what you have.
Last year my brother wanted to live in my mom's old house rent free. I told him no, I need that money to care for her. I also told him that he could not live in my house. I didn't know he was drinking, but I knew he would create chaos and destruction at my house.
I am having a tough time today. I had to cut off his family because they have Borderline and Narcissist personality disorders. It's killing me, but it's a matter of self preservation.
Lucy, you are doing what you have to do to keep things going. Do not feel guilty please. Why do those of us who have made sound decisions in our lives feel that we are obliged to help others who are reaping their own consequences from past actions . I have three siblings who have always chosen the easy way, the quickest way, the instant reward kind of way in life. Now they are in their fifties, sixties and seventies and they are struggling. My sisters and I have helped them out over the years because we are family. But... they just keep doing the same old over and over again and then they are in trouble again and coming with their hands out. We have decided that there is never going to be an A HA! moment when they change their spending habits. They are never going to be financially stable because they are not willing to do the work involved. We also have realized that there is no one to care for us if we have a catastrophe or if they drain us dry. So we have said no more. Does not make us the favourites at family gatherings anymore but so be it. We are following the three C's rule.
It's hard... I think part of the reason we are here in this place is because in our family we were rescued too much. You are right. When I was placing my mom, my brother thought I should just put her in nursing home and forget about it. I wanted her to be in a good place. So I guess, he didn't have much empathy for her. You have helped me so much. I feel so alone, at least I have you all friends that understand.
