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My aBF is home from rehab now for 2 weeks..he has started drinking, but not to the excess he was. Thinks he can be one of those alcoholics who can control it.,well I think he woU of be the first! He told me, I went to rehab because of my physical addictions..and I'm ok now..he really believes he's good to go..and that is simply not the case. None of his behaviors changed at all, so that's proof right there. So now I get to sit by and watch him unravel again, and get to the point, again, where he goes for help. In the meantime I am getting therapy and trying to take care of me. Has anyone dealt with this idea that the physical addiction being gone was enough? Sounds insane to me..
Hi Desperate, yes I have experienced the same type thinking. My hubby was in 10 rehabs (7 in one year) before he finally accepted the fact that he was an alcoholic and could not drink- period. He then remained sober for 6 years before he passed from cancer. Alanon face to face meetings helped me to stay sane and grow.
AA literature states: "Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death." *This was written in the 1930s. It is part of the nature of the disease.
I too have had this experience with all 3 of my qualifiers. Adding to what pinkchip states, I've never (yet) met anyone who was able to practice controlled drinking for the long haul. At some point, no matter the intelligence, strength, will-power, etc. the disease returns to the power position in the relationship. Between my two sons, we've been to/through more than 12 treatment centers/program. There were also a couple of Mental Health holds/stays. One of my sons is still active, practicing controlled use. My other son is white-knuckling it at this point. What I know for me is that before Al-Anon, my heart sank each time there was a relapse. My mind went spiraling and I lost all hope and faith. When I began Al-Anon, and stayed active in my recovery, I was better able to process and separate my journey from theirs. It's still sad and it's still heartbreaking, but we have tools to determine what, if anything we can do. (((Hugs))) - it's a hard thing to watch/go through - sending you prayers and positive thoughts!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
