The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am sorry That is why we use avatars and log on names. Pictures help to identify who we are as well. I would not buy into the drama ands refuse to engage in defending any issue. Remember we do not have to "JADE" anything
My learned response from the program to times I am found out to be less that either real or imagined is what Betty responded with ...I don't JADE and will mostly handle it with an "Oh Well" response either inwardly or face to face if that is what is expected. I don't do hurt very well now. ((((Hugs))))
(((Sarah)))
My AH found my recovery journal once and I walked in on him snooping in it in my closet. Of course I had nothing to hide, but the snooping behavior was a big red flag. He was upset and was looking for some explanation for the distance in our marriage. (No big surprise, it was the alcoholic disease in both of us causing the issues) He later apologized and we have been able to move on but it was difficult.
His behavior had more to do with his fears and insecurities than anything I had written in my journal. He was looking for something outside himself to blame for his/our problems, but there was nothing there.
I don't have a photograph because I want to speak freely about the people in my life without giving away their anonymity and mine. It's an anonymous program. Sorry your in this situation x
Hi Sarah,
I'm sorry too! I choose an avatar and don't use my name to maintain my anonymity. But you certainly don't have to and as you said it wouldn't change the outcome. My AH used to be quite paranoid about me attending al anon so I invited him to a meeting because he qualifies too as he grew up with an alcoholic father. He has never taken me up on it. But the questions and paranoia about being talked about seems to have passed. My mother has asked about it too and I've invited her to attend an open meeting. Offering for them to go to meetings to see what the program is for themselves has helped alleviate any drama around me attending Al Anon. In my case most of my family already knows. I don't go around advertising but I can't control what info other people share. So if they ask I tell them that I am a member and it helps me and encourage them to check it out for themselves if they have questions (in ways that are appropriate). I hope the drama around it subsides and you don't have to deal with much of it. I'm sorry you were hurt.
Changed the avatar for future. And you're right, having my picture up was a bad choice on my part.
I'm not going to stop seeking help in this.
I've made a lot of progress and this is just a bump in the road.
I spoke with my mom about it and she understands why I am in Al Anon and I apologized that she had to find out that way.
I would have liked to eventually told them myself, when I was well into recovery. It didn't go that way, I can't change it.
You might also want to consider closing your current account and opening another one. I had to do that because my xah while we were together was reading my posts. He confronted me about them some were not nice. They were and still are true for me.
I'm so sorry this happened maybe it happened the way it needed to.
Hugs s ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Sarah))) - I also try to protect myself/my anonymity. Not just online but locally as well. When folks discover you are in recovery, one of two responses typically happen - they want you to fix all their people or they ridicule/attack you as they don't believe alcoholism is a disease and/or they believe 12 step programs are a cult. It's just easier for me to protect myself and my privacy.
I have used my 'real name' in the private messaging system here for a few who've reached out.....my name has made it here on a post or two which actually bothers me as I am a private person by nature. I've let it slide as it happens infrequently.
I do agree that the actions of others truly do not speak to anything about us. It's about them. I do fully understand your sadness. Just keep working your program and live your life with no regrets. I will suggest that the program suggests we not speak about our qualifiers, but rather about ourselves, and that's what I try to do. When there are hiccups in life and you're trying to give background, it's difficult to separate the two. I just try to stay with the facts if I need to make mention. I'm not one to blame others, call names, etc...it just garbles my mind and masks over my part in events.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks all. I am still very early in my program so I'm learning where to place my words. I don't have a full grip on this just yet.
In the end - this situation actually opened a door for a very long and honest and difficult conversation.
As much as it hurts, I'm going to let HP guide me through it and follow it's purpose. There is a reason this happened.
