The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm having a hard time today keeping thoughts and conversations surrounding my ex ABF away. I got a call today from one of his friends checking to see if I had heard from him. Although I would have liked to just ignored the call I did not. I knew why he would have been calling as soon as I got the call as that's what he usually calls for. Even though I am not in contact with my ex he still lives with my best friend and her and I also work together, so I know if something was wrong she would tell me. I try really hard not to check up on him with friends them. However she heard me on the phone and so she asked what that was about I told her and then she started talking about my ex I should of just said nothing. Then she went on to say that my ex Mom is sick and may not be around much longer. I feel like I'm being tested today. I had a really good morning had some good realizations about our relationship and how truly unhealthy it was and how good it is for me to be out of it. I feel like this is the universe testing me.
I would really like to go to a meeting and find some clarity but I am working a double today. With working 2 jobs and going to school I'm lucky to get to one meeting a month. I have been going to meetings on and off for a year now and have not really connected with anyone yet. I would really like to start working a better program as I know I'll find some clarity in that. I have not started working the steps as I'm told I should do that with a sponsor and I don't have one. I would also really like to connect and find a sponsor as I feel like all of my friends don't really understand what I'm going through.
This place does help but I do need someone I can reach out to when my mind is spinning. I have a call list from meetings I'm just don't feel comfortable calling just anyone.
MC - so very sorry that you are in a spin.....every suggestion I have you already know - get to meetings, find a sponsor, pick up the phone, work the steps.....
I think if you read through your post, you will see that without daily efforts, it's easy to stop detaching. I also know that boundaries helped me greatly when I was working on me, and detaching with love from my qualifiers.
Keep coming back - it happens to us all - the best course is what you've written - get to the meetings and reach out. We often talk about the 20 lb. telephone that seems so hard to lift and use but my experience is talking it out with someone who understands brings relief!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
